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• Has anyone ever looked quite so miserable while receiving an on-camera blowjob from Lindsay Lohan? He must know of the bacteria that's to come. [Yeeeah]
• Speaking of Miss Lohan: her new beau, Harry Morton, woefully underperforms in his first paparazzi getaway. [TMZ]
• Socialite/designer Tory Burch is splitting from her husband. Tragic — this is really going to throw a wrench in the Hamptons party schedule. [Page Six]
• How does Lauren Weisberger come up with dialogue? By secretly writing down her friends' conversations during social outings and sending them to herself on her BlackBerry. We love the method: if she continues to do this, she'll soon have no friends left, and thus no material. And then maybe she'll go away. [Lowdown (3rd item)]
• The National Enquirer confirms that Star Jones did have gastric bypass surgery at Lenox Hill hospital, having her stomach stapled in two places. Obviously, hers wasn't a single-staple job. [Gatecrasher (4th item)]
• Alas, a retraction: Natalie Portman does not appear nude in Goya's Ghost; it's a body double. On the bright side, the footage is a nude torture scene, so you can still spank away. [Egotastic]
• CNBC anchor Joe Kernan loved Aquaman and can't wait to see Springtime for Hitler. [Page Six]