On Friday the GOP suspended its relationship with NBC amidst growing controversy over debate moderators who Wednesday took it upon themselves to ask candidates questions about themselves and their campaign platforms on live TV.

After patriotism and religion, “attacking the media” is the most popular refuge of the scoundrel.

Just before the start of tonight’s thrilling GOP debate, CNBC anchor Joe Kernan responded to an explanation of why Republicans decided to hold the debate in Boulder, Colorado. Did he think it’s because the state is politically diverse and a swing state? No.

Most people would frown upon a business journalist lobbying the mayor of New York City over a political issue on behalf of a corporation she covers. CNBC’s Amanda Drury doesn’t see the big deal.

Early Friday morning on CNBC Squawk Box, host Joe Kernen had some really interesting things to say about rupees. Actually he didn’t, but that didn’t stop him from adopting an Indian accent while talking about the currency. When it was clear his co-hosts Becky Quick and Andrew Ross Sorkin were uncomfortable, he tried with all his might to hold back the hilarity on the tip of his tongue: “No, I can’t do it. I was going to say something.”

Last last week, Sen. Elizabeth Warren (D-MA) delivered a masterful defense of her proposed update to the bank-regulating Glass-Steagall Act on CNBC's "Squawk Box," effectively shutting down co-anchor Brian Sullivan's claim that government can't do anything to rein in financial risk.

Wouldn't it be nice if we could find a story that would simultaneously indict authoritarian governments, greedy PR firms, and amoral, careless media outlets, all at once? Aha. Yes. Here's one.

Justin Bieber admits he took a DNA test to see if that baby is actually his. Angelina Jolie is into some kinky stuff. Britney Spears has a hard, hard life. Howard Stern thinks he and America both have talent. Wednesday's gossip is on the 4:07 to New Haven.

Hey! Billionaires have feelings, too, you know. Home Depot co-founder Ken Langone took to CNBC this morning to defend their honor from that bully Barack Obama, who is killing the economy by refusing to literally dance for them while holding pom-poms made of shredded cash: "We need leadership, we need cheerleading, we need encouragement. Businessmen and fat cats need to feel like they're doing something good not that they're villains and not that their criminals."

The presidential candidates have come to Michigan, to do a slick pagan money-sucking dance on CNBC in front of the citizens of one of the more screwed states in the country. It should be great! Oh, and now Tea Party patriarch Rick Santelli will be there, asking questions. Oof. So put some dollar bills in your collar, down a jug of Blue Label, and let's kill some poors — together.

Let's call it the Rich Uncle Pennybags debate. Tonight, Our Losers will square off in their first presidential debate in weeks, hosted by CNBC. It promises to be a banner night for plutocrats, and is intended to focus entirely on economic issues — specifically, how to stop the War on Wealth. What horrors await?

Next week's presidential debate sounds fantastic: It's Republicans, on the rich people channel CNBC, while Wall Street protests are happening all around the country! And this promo from CNBC tells us that the main topic of discussion will be, "how will the candidates end the War on Wealth?" Yes, how? With extermination camps for the poor, or at least the uppity ones? That's the litmus test, candidates.

The last time the economy collapsed, CNBC money-clown Jim Cramer basically said, "Don't panic! Buy Bear Stearns! What could go wrong?" That advice didn't work out so well for him. So this time, he's modulating.

Who's the last person you should take financial advice from during an economic crisis? CNBC's schlocky in-house huckster Jim Cramer, of course. So, naturally, people are tuning into the network in huge numbers these days. God help us.

In your simmering Thursday media column: Rick Sanchez pipes up again, CNBC's bizarre PR scandal, James Risen's judicial defender speaks, News Corp is flooded with lawsuits, and the WaPo's punchy editor is retired.

Mark Haines, CNBC's lovable and irascible drunk uncle, has died suddenly, the network reported this morning. Haines was the founding anchor of Squawk Box, one of the financial network's signature shows. He was with CNBC for 22 years. No cause of death has been announced.

Manic stock-picking rodeo clown Jim Cramer is a study in lost popularity. When the stock market was roaring, he was funny and loveable; when the economy collapsed, he became a villain, a cartoonish symbol of America's idiocy and excess.

Presidential candidate Mitt "Willard" Romney ceded tremendous ground to his main rival, pretend candidate and bloated carnival act Donald Trump, on CNBC yesterday, telling Larry Kudlow that he is not a Birther.

How CNBC booked Bill Murray on their show we'll never understand, but this priceless interview explains exactly how much Bill wanted to be up so early for the interview.

In your stuffed Monday media column: Tina Brown is making power moves, Hearst is making Hachette employees nervous, a PBS show may get canceled, Phish fans invade the media, and The Atlantic Wire gets a new boss.