You may be dying from the heat, but the real hotness is dripping from the emaciated bodies of the hipsters, who dutifully brave the rising temperatures and don their leotards so that they might entertain you with Blue States Lose. You know the drill: we weed through the stupid photos on The Cobrasnake, Last Night’s Party, Misshapes, and Ambrel so you don't have to. After the jump, Joey Arak shows you his tan lines.

10) Last Night's Party. Unloaded photo #3196: People always say "everyone's a DJ." In fact, last weekend we spotted someone on Bedford Avenue wearing a T-shirt that simply read "Not a DJ." Despite these claims, and despite the fact that not being a DJ in Williamsburg is such a novelty that it deserves T-shirt-slogan status, we're still pretty sure that, in reality, it's just the dickheads.

9) Last Night's Party. Unloaded photo #3392: Someone should tell these young, impressionable hipsters that this dude isn't in The Killers. Yes, it's shocking but true. He does have the greatest scam of all time going, though. It's like the Lower East Side version of walking into Tonic East in Murray Hill dressed like John Mayer. Do you think he slept alone or paid for a PBR all night? Probably not, chum.

8) Last Night's Party. Unloaded photo #3258: It's always so amusing when girls who are clearly your run-of-the-mill hot chicks with big boobs get tattoos and try to act tough because they're trying their hardest to avoid their predictable and eventual New York destiny of being wives to douchey Wall StreHOLY SHIT THERE'S A SPANISH GUY ON LAST NIGHT'S PARTY! Please say he's an employee at the bar...please say he's an employee at the bar...please say he's an employee at the bar...phew, that was a close one.

7) Last Night's Party. Unloaded photo #3299: These are the Last Night's Party moments we love the most. Someone is holding a drink, totally mugging for the camera, thinking she's the center of attention, blissfully unaware of Jesus Christ Supertard lingering in the background, who's completely oblivious to, well, everything. Nice specs, Poindexter.

6) Last Night's Party. Badd Girls photo #3705: The Cheetah above all else is the most reproductive cat. Why then is it so endangered? The answer is three-fold. Cheetah cubs often fall prey to Lions, Jackals, Birds of Prey, and Hyenas, as the mother must leave them behind while hunting for food. Even if the mother was near, she could not fend off an animal as large as a Lion or Hyena, the Cheetah was built for running not fighting. 90% of Cheetahs born die within the first 3 months, 50% of which are destroyed by predators. The other 40% fall victim to lack of genetic diversity. This is the second reason for their inability to survive. This genetic peril is responsible for weak and underdeveloped immune systems. Disease and illness attack a weak immune system, which in turn causes death. Most cubs do not even make it past 1 month old when this is the case. The third reason for the species' fragility is that whenever the DJ throws on "Hung Up" deep into the night, the female's frightening transformation to predator with absolutely terrifying hungry eyes is enough to scare off every potential male suitor within 100 feet. That's potential male suitor, we said. Weird old dads remain unaffected.

5) The Cobrasnake. Blink 172K Peaches photo #0602: Every now and then the stars align and a photo comes along that serves as the raison d' tre for this stupid little column. Is this one of those times? Gee, we don't know. Does the Cobrasnake want to remind you that he's the Cobrasnake? This photo is one Leotard Fantastic away from being the new Mount Rushmore.

4) The Cobrasnake. Bombing SF With SF photo #2927: It's time for another go-round of everyone's favorite BSL photoblog game, Hipster or Homeless? Let's do some analysis, shall we? The unkempt beard could go either way, and the manbag definitely points in the direction of hipster. However, the fisherman's hat and tragically uncool top both carry absolutely zero ironic value, and the dead giveaway is the grimy fingernails. When was the last time you saw a hipster using his hands in such a way as to actually soil them? Friends, we've got ourselves a homeless guy!

3) Last Night's Party. Badd Girls photo #3823: You know when you playfully torture a puppy by tying something around its neck, and it bites at it and flails around trying to shake it off, but after about a minute it gets defeated and it looks up at you with those sad eyes and you wonder why you're such a horrible person and then you're like, "Wait a minute, what the fuck are you doing at the Beauty Bar in the first place?"

2) Last Night's Party. Badd Girls photo #3925: Sure, the guy doing the girl's hair is old, but age is nothing but a number right? Youth is a state of mind, so who's gonna tell him when it's time to quit the scene? Oh wait, we know: the Ghost of Hipster Past, who follows him everywhere and lives just over his shoulder. What's that, majestic spirit? You want to go dancing at the Pyramid Club? Alright, dude. Uh, see you there.

1) The Cobrasnake. Bombing SF With SF photo #8324: This one kind of sneaks up on you. At first he doesn't look like that big a deal, but this is really the closest we've come to a Perfect 10 all summer. The facial hair and glasses are both great, but what is absolutely stunning is the fact that he's wearing a (stupid, upturned) hat, but it doesn't faze his side-swept asymmetrical haircut in the least. Absolute perfection. We love the faux-hostility, too. What's your damage, brah? This ultrapuss couldn't fight his way out of a Sufjan Stevens show armed with a bandana for strangling and an oversized dagger charm necklace.