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We know that one doesn't turn to Page Six for classic muckraking journalism but, even so, today's first item is so ridiculous that we're a little ashamed to mention it. It is, in fact, the definition of what's not news, including these four important elements of the non-story:

1) Andy Dick freaks out.
2) Post reporter urinated in front of.
3) Post reporter offered cocaine.
4) Dog bites man.

We're not sure if urinee Mandy Stadtmiller wrote this herself, but we doubt it. Looks like Chris Wilson is on cruise control until he moves to Maxim at the end of the month.

COMIC'S WORST GROSS-OUT EVER [NYP]