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• Laguna Beach alum Kristin Cavalleri continues to justify her relevance through the strategic use of her vagina, which has been programmed to hone in on any male remotely connected to any female celebrity. [Page Six]
• Paris Hilton may be in some trouble for her drunk driving arrest, but it's nothing her mafioso relatives can't take care of. [R&M]
• Speaking of the DUI Club, Mel Gibson emerges from hiding, unhappy to be faced with Jew paparazzi. [TMZ]
• Just now on The View, Babs admitted to having Botox — which is about the worst endorsement the treatment could have.
• Lionel Richie asks a doctor if his emaciated daughter Nicole is anorexic. Seriously? You had to ask a professional to get the answer? [Scoop]
• Warren Buffet disavows his granddaughter after she publicly admitted to being super fucking rich. [Page Six]
• Tom Brokaw joins Team Couric, albeit briefly. [Lowdown (last item)]
• Marcia Cross is pregnant, and nobody cares. Poor fetus. [IMDb]