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It's Friday, and that means it's time for our favorite exercise in visual punishment, Blue States Lose! The routine is torturous, but we nevertheless look at retarded pictures of fucked up hipsters on The Cobrasnake, Last Night’s Party, Misshapes, and Ambrel so you don't have to. After the jump, Alex Blagg buys himself 17 new Eastpaks.

10. Misshapes. September 2nd, 2006 photo #016: You know what will turn this plain-jane Friday afternoon into a thing of unmitigated perfection? A queeny Satanist with lots of pubic hair, serenading you with a dance-tastic ditty by the Village People. Ahhhh yeah....

9. The Cobrasnake. Be Kind Rewind photo #3195: I like how the last author of this column gave the recurring characters from our downtown suck opera their own special names, like Leotard Fantastic and Princess Coldstare. So in my vain attempt to follow in those footsteps of nomenclatural quality, I shall dub these three party monsters Emergency Contraceptive Carl, Drunky Checkers, and Renaldo.

8. Misshapes. September 2nd, 2006 photo #022: Misshapes, along with its last few fashionably-cut hairs of "street cred" from which they're still hanging (in the eyes of NYU freshmen ex-cheerleader McHipsters), didn't just jump the shark. It actually dipped the shark in glitter, rubbed eye-liner all over it, took it shopping at Hot Topic, forced it to listen to a pop starlet's lip-synched cover of "Common People," then savagely fucked it with a limp emo dick until Leotard Fantastic erupted in expressionless ecstasy, quivering in post-coital afterglow behind the comforting safety of his diabolical bangs.

7. Last Night's Party. Kill Shop Motha photo #2837: Some people call him the space cowboy. Others call him the gangster of love. But unfortunately, most people just call him "faggot." Homophobia isn't cool, but at least this picture does kinda help you understand it.

6. Last Night's Party. Kill Shop Motha photo #2923: "Okay, we're in the filthy bathroom stall, straddling a toilet, topless, and coyly embracing each other. Are we sexy yet? Should one of us be pooping? I kinda have to poop."

5. The Cobrasnake. Just Get Killed photos #3737, #3782, #3785, #3797: Urban Outfitters must've dropped some serious coin to convince the Annie Liebowitz of Lameness that sneaking a four-page ad for their latest clothing line ("Colorblynd") onto his site somehow wouldn't compromise all his hard-won artistic integrity. You can't really blame him, though - I'm sure traveling around with a runaway teenage waif, documenting the substance abuse struggles of deluded trust-funders, and selling the occasional ironic T-shirt isn't a particularly dynamic business model.

4. Misshapes. September 2nd, 2006 photo #052: Me and my friends in the "Self-Proclaimed Film Directors Who're Too Busy Telling Everyone We're Film Directors to Find the Time to Actually Direct a Film" Society just watched Royal Tenenbaums for the 3,435th time and man am I pooped! Would it be okay if I used this as a headshot?

3. Last Night's Party. House of Mao photo #3542: Holy fuck, please hipster god, let the sequined Ninja Turtle Headband become the new bandana-around-the-neck accessory fad. Looking at this guy is kind of like the first time I saw 2001 and felt like I understood the meaning life, only way more powerful. I bet the first time he wrapped that sparkly bad-boy around his noggin, his heart exploded into flames.

2. Last Night's Party. Kill Shot Motha photo #2790: Have you ever realized that your entire existence is such a supreme cliche that your knees get week, and you have to hold onto something to keep your balance while you come in your pants uncontrollably, twice? For a very brief and passing moment, I almost felt envious of this idiot.

1. Last Night's Party. Stays In Vegas photo #1540: 9/8/06. Never Forget.