Fox Decides It's Time They Made Some Money From Christians
Long feverishly dedicated to the wholesale destruction of Christian values through the broadcast of such apocalypse-inviting programming like Temptation Island, Trading Spouses, and the short-lived, but surpassingly influential, Who Wants To Fellate the Thorny, Infernal Member of Beezlebub For A Crisp Five Dollar Bill?, Fox has now decided that Christians' money is just as green as that of Hollywood-worshipping heathens. The LAT reports that the company will today reveal its plans to exploit The Passion of the Christ's staggering success by producing up to 12 Jesus-flavored films a year, at least 6 of which will actually make their way into multiplexes through its new FoxFaith label. But before they could get the God Squad on board with their attempts to raid the collection plate, the FoxFaithful had to first acknowledge the sins of their corporate family:
"The approach we took was ... 'At Fox, you may know us for our quality family programming,' " Yordy said he told the audience, against a backdrop of video clips from Paris Hilton's "The Simple Life" and the reality show "Temptation Island."
"The room just died laughing," he said. "I said to them, 'That is exactly what you expect from Fox. But that is not what we at FoxFaith are.' "
The crowd's laughter was quickly supplanted by raucous cheers as the images from these shows faded from the screen and the message, "We at FoxFaith know that all of these people will suffer eternal, soul-melting agony in the hottest fires of Hell" materialized, followed by new clips depicting The Simple Life stars Nicole Richie and Paris Hilton complaining about how unsatisfying and annoying they found the minimum wage jobs, like shoveling endlessly replenishing piles of flaming manure from Satan's three-headed horse stables, or trying to manually inseminate evil cows with the dark lord's accurs'd seed, they'd been assigned by their "totally mean" fork-tongued, goat-horned producer.
