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It's Friday, your brain is dead, and you can hardly muster the energy to move your mouse — but it's time for your pick-me-up: Blue States Lose, wherein we look at the ridiculous pictures on The Cobrasnake, Last Night’s Party, Misshapes, and Ambrel so you don't have to. After the jump, Alex Blagg shows you his Joy Division collection.

10. Misshapes. September 16th, 2006 photo #100: There's something that's been bothering me. As much I love fawning over our friends Leotard Fantastik, Princess Coldstare and One Half Nelson, I am feeling a bit envious of this column's previous proprietor in that I want to create my own cast of retarded hipster characters. So rather than giving these soul-withering pictures the cursory glance I usually reserve for them, I looked a little harder this week and identified a series of recurring characters that I've dubbed "The New Class". We'll start with this lovely specimen, a man who shall henceforth be known as Douchey Warbucks. Despite seeming old enough to have sired most of the other people at this party, Warbucks is not there to keep an eye on his wayward children's abuse of his credit card. He's there to save drunken naifs from degrading themselves in public bathrooms so weirdo photographers will give them more Sparks. He does this by flashing a Platinum AmEx card, then whisking these Little Orphan Drunkies away to his Staten Island "estate". If this were a movie (and thank god it isn't), he would probably be played by Gene Hackman.

9. Misshapes. September 16th, 2006 photo #025: Sebastian went to the happiest place on earth, but it just made him sad. First Goofy refused to be photographed with him, then a mentally disabled park employee told him he wasn't smart enough to ride Space Mountain (you apparently have to be bright enough to dress yourself, and tank tops with fedoras are an immediate disqualifier). He thought the teacups would cheer him up, but they didn't. Poor Sebastian.

8. The Cobrasnake. Rock Paper Scissors photo #0213: Would you ever believe that Teddy Thompson is a Madison Avenue Ad Dude by day, but when he throws on a few man-rings, his H&M Wristband of Power, and a T-shirt bearing the insignia of the very latest in indie rock cool, all of a sudden he's completely transformed into Durst Shadows, Rider of the Night? It's true! He doesn't even have to change his glasses - and ladies like Publicist Posey still just want to fucking LICK him.

7. Last Night's Party. Criminal II (Chinese Food Edition) photo #0310: After you've made a name for yourself by taking pictures of naked chicks writhing around in puke on bar bathroom floors, how can you possibly top that? How about naked chicks writhing around in General Tso's Chicken! Does the LNP guy take requests? Is there any way we could see those classy ladies EAT the Tso's chicken, PUKE it back up, then seductively ROLL around in it, preferably while masturbating?

6. The Cobrasnake. Life Is a Beach photo #9676: Last week's edition of "Hipster or Homeless?" was a rousing success, but again, I don't feel any ownership of that delightful little brain-teaser. So I've created a brand new game (with a nod to the original) that I've decided to call, "Hipster or Adorable Little Chinese Kid?" We're going to hit the ground running because this first one is a real hum-dinger. Now, the miniature size would suggest that this guy is an Adorable Little Chinese Kid, but what are we to make of the deliciously ironic sunglasses/visor combo? That's textbook hipster. The polyester windbreaker could really go either way, as could the wild, unkempt hair. He's not smiling, which a very hipsterish trait, but then again he's at a beach, in daytime sunlight - an environment no actual hipster could possibly withstand. That settles it - it's an Adorable Little Chinese Kid, but when he grows up, he does have the Hipster Potential to become even more legendary than Steve Aoki. Also, he might be a day-walker.

5. Cory Kennedy. "I'm about to lay destruction on you": You know what The Cobrasnake's teenage runaway waif really needs (other than child services and a hot meal)? A blog! Yes, what better way for young Cory Kennedy to deliver up-to-the-minute reports on her ongoing adventure as Bulimic Bonnie in Cobra Clyde's international campaign of relentless sucking? Say what you will about the ubiquity of bloggers, but we otherwise might never have known the pleasure of feasting on delicious morsels such as this, taken from Cory's latest post:

"... i was talking to jason swartzmen about how weird the food was that they were serving.... mc donalds, panda express, taco bell, KFC, dominos pizza... it was bizzarre. hes a funny guy."

That kind of hard-hitting Gonzo journalism, underscored with such multi-layered insight and sophistication, might be just the editorial improvement a certain Manhattan Media News and Gossip site is now looking for.

4. Misshapes. September 16th, 2006 photo #055: I always said I'd never go to a hipster party like Misshapes, but being a man of leisure who enjoys nothing more than some sporting competition, Don Hills' addition of this classic Whack-A-Douche arcade game might just be the shrewd marketing ploy to lure me in. In fact, if this thing spits out tickets that can be exchanged for the opportunity to play with Leotard Fantastik's bangs, I'll be there with bandanas on.

3. The Cobrasnake. Rock Paper Scissors photo #0182: Listen, when YOU start dressing like a gay French bicycle messenger who's super into Swedish Death Metal, then YOU can show people you're The Future of Fucking Fabulous too, m'kay?

2. Last Night's Party. Book Tour Miami photo #9177: This is just like A Christmas Story, only way funnier and infinitely more heart-warming. I bet Pencildick Moustache was standing there, sipping on his 3rd Rose on the rocks, all bragging to his friends that he could "lick ze filthy wall without getting my Sparkstongue stuck to zis thick coat of grimey-schmutz", and just look at him now. I bet he's been standing there for an hour, sobbing and yelling, "Theriouthly you guyth, thith ith really thtarting to hurt! Pleathe thomebody help me!" This is one of those movies that just never gets old, no matter how many time you watch it.

1. Misshapes. September 16th, 2006 photo #038: If "The New Class" were to elect a president, it would undoubtedly be this guy, who we'll just call Kid's Meal. After showing up on the scene several months ago, sheepishly allowing himself to be photographed, but keeping his head down and his mouth shut, Kid's Meal has risen through the ranks of misshaped hipsterbots to come out of nowhere and take his place at the Big Kids table alongside Leotard, Coldstare and their trusted Cabinet of ill-advisers. Kid's Meal is a wily coyote, and his ascension to the lofty heights of the hipster hierarchy is difficult to nail down, mostly because of his unassuming, inconspicuous nature. But if you think about it, Kid's Meal's sudden popularity makes complete sense. In a room full of painted up drag queens, coked up art student freakshows and attention-starved would-be Super Scenesters, being the mousy quiet kid is the only possible way to get noticed for being "different", which we all know is the single most important thing every hipster aspires to be (though their painstaking efforts to differentiate themselves from one another tend to be, rather comically, the very things that cause them to conform). Yeah, I'm expecting some big things from Kid's Meal.