OK, Now We're Really Creeped Out: An Anna Nicole Update
The Us Weeky blog has further details regarding Larry Birkhead's lawsuit against Anna Nicole. Birkhead isn't just claiming paternity—he wants full legal custody of the child, as he alleges that Howard K. Stern is enabling Smith's methadone addiction (the fatal key ingredient in her son's death), and that the reason she delivered in the Bahamas was to avoid tests that would reveal the baby had methadone in her system as well:
Smith's ex accused the TrimSpa spokeswoman of fleeing to the Bahamas to keep her baby from being tested for drugs. Birkhead also alleged that Stern is claiming to be Dannielynn's father for his own financial gain, and claims that Smith had asked a third unidentified man to say that he was the father of her child — a plan which didn't work out because the man had already had a vasectomy.
Birkhead requested in his petition that Smith and her daughter undergo drug testing. According to Birkhead's attorney, Debra Opri, Birkhead is seeking legal and physical custody of the child.
It would be easier to disregard the sensational claims if the mitigating circumstances—Daniel's fatal overdose, the lucrative photo sales, the quickie, fake nuptials and Stern's catatonic Larry King Live appearance—didn't corroborate Birkhead's story. It's a protracted and thoroughly disturbing mess, albeit one that has impressively managed to hit the holy milestone quartet of celebrity glossy talking points—death, birth, marriage and substance abuse—making it only a matter of time before that single, lagging cover story angle works its way in, with Life & Style's exclusive, "Anna Nicole's stunning weight loss: Buh-bye TrimSpa! How she shed 40 pregnancy lbs. using nothing but grief, methadone and self-control!"