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It's not that difficult to conceive that serial tongue-assailant Andy Dick has fathered a child at some point during the 25-year, pansexual blackout that is his adult life. What kind of parent he might be to his 18-year-old son is another matter entirely: For example, according to NY Daily News JV Gossip Lloyd Grove, young Lucas was illegally consuming alcohol under the approving gaze of his overly lenient father:

"No, no, no - he's not an alcoholic like me," Dick told Lowdown at the Meatpacking District premiere party for his latest movie, "Employee of the Month," as 18-year-old Lucas stood nearby swigging Budweiser from a bottle. "He'll have one beer and be done with it. He's been drinking. I'm not going to try to control him. I can't say anything, because he's doing better than me. Who am I to slap his wrists? I learn from him." [...]

"He's really great," Lucas' dad gushed. "Every time I go anywhere with him, I immediately say, 'This is my son,' because it looks like we're lovers because he's so handsome."

The flattering novelty of having your offspring confused with the dreamy manifestation of your Tiger Beat desires must wear off pretty quickly, and so we can hardly blame Dick for preemptively deflecting questions of, "Tell me Andy, who is this gorgeous boy on your arm?" by first explaining that the two are in fact related, then tousling his son's hair and affectionately saying, "Come on, let's go toss around the old eight-ball in the back alley."