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It's a bright and sunny day, but shit's colder than Satan's third nipple out there! (We adjust very slowly to climate change.) While we fix you some hot chocolate, warm your soul with Blue States Lose, where we play martyrs and look at pictures of fucked-up hipsters on The Cobrasnake, Last Night’s Party, Misshapes, and Ambrel so you don't have to. After the jump, Alex Blagg dances on the ceiling.

10. The Cobrasnake. Oh No Oh My Who Farted photo #8504: Noooooo! First Arrested Development gets cancelled and now THIS!?! Nobody gave a shit when it was the Stupid Madden Bros., That 70's Guy and the occasional B-list Tween Movie Starlet, but George fucking Michael? He's only a child, for god's sakes! So young, such a tragedy...

9. Misshapes. September 30th, 2006 photo #014: These iPod ads are seriously getting old. We get it already, blasting Bloc Party on a portable music player can turn a mild-mannered retail employee into an "edgy" urban dipshit with a poor sense of fashion and a constant need to shake their moronic dreadlocks all over the place. "Think different", just like everyone else.

8. The Cobrasnake. Inspiration Station photo #7255: This guy is the David Copperfield of idiotic illusions. You look at him, confident that there couldn't possibly be any article of clothing more fucking retarded than that abortion of a sweatshirt he's wearing, but a little slight of hand and suddenly he's all like BOO-YA! How did he do that!?!

7. The Cobrasnake. Oh No Oh My Who Farted photo #8599: How much time do you think the "Leathered, Layered and Accessorized" twins spent getting themselves so unbelievably fucking PERFECT, right down to the tiniest intentional imperfection?

6. Misshapes. September 30th, 2006 photo #130: To me, these ones are the real tragedies. This girl would actually be kind of pretty if someone just tied her down and hosed all the stupid off of her.

5. Cory Kennedy's Blog: Back by popular demand, it's Quotable Cory, the game in which you must determine which of the following bits of poetic prose was NOT written by braindead teenage wasteland waif Cory Kennedy. Answer at the bottom of the post*:

a) "i gotta start wearing brass knuckes hangin from neck and my chain."
 b) "i passed out for like 4 hours and woke up naked at some old guy named carl's house, he wuz on top of me. creeeeepy, LOL!"
 c) "so ive been listening to devotchka all night. and pulp thanks to alex wijias. oh those common people."
 d) "basement jaxx so incredible. a wonderful vibe. beck. he is so cute. sooooo cute. the show was cute."

4. Misshapes. September 23rd, 2006 photo #071: Really, bro? ALL the time? Even when you're getting that cute little nose jewelry, and your "choppy" $200 hair-cut?

3. Last Night's Party. "What Are You Wearing" Video: This is just like Joan Rivers on the Red Carpet, except somehow creepier, sadder and dumber.

2. Misshapes. September 30th, 2006 photo #048: I mean, I dig the sentimentality of it and all, but I don't think I'd roll around wearing a picture of my own conception.

1. The Cobrasnake. Mouthful of Teeth photo #7681: Is it just me, or does this little guy not look very happy about mommy dearest's insistence upon ruining his entire life by giving him a ridiculous haircut, forcing him to dress like her drug-addled hiptard friends, and taking away any hope he has at not spending the remainder of his ruined childhood getting the ever-living shit beaten out of him by all the kids at school whose mothers don't consider "dating indie rockers" to be a wise career path. You know this kid's gonna grow to be Dick Cheney.

*It's B!