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Moments ago, the all-too-familiar image of Madonna's moving lips were beamed across the West Coast, explaining to Oprah Winfrey in deliberate and measured fake-British tones the exact circumstances surrounding the newest, hastily absorbed member of her family, little Malawian demi-orphan David Banda. And while the many details tumbled forth almost too swiftly to fully retain—David was abandoned! Malawi has no written laws! "Confessions on a Dance Floor" makes a great stocking stuffer this holiday season!—Whitney Pastorek of Entertainment Weekly's Popwatch blog was luckily there to liveblog the entire exchange. Some highlights:

4:00:40 Wait. We're getting Madonna and the Dixie Chicks today? Dear me! That is quite a lot of Women Conservatives Love To Hate for one tiny little hour of television!

4:01:19 Madonna is calling in via satellite?? Oh, now I see: The Dixie Chicks were supposed to have the whole hour, weren't they?

4:01:23 Madonna's answer to Oprah's "how are you?" is, "Well, uh, um, Thank you for asking me to do the show."

4:01:31 Ooh, and it's not getting any less awkward: "I wanted to be clear up front that — I'm very grateful for you — give me this chance to — uh — not defend..." etc. Oh, this is already the most fun I've had in days.

4:01:42 FYI: Today's British Accent Alert level is orange.

4:02:14 Picture of David being manhandled by Rocco gets obligatory "aw" from audience, who are still trying to assess if/when they're getting free stuff today. [...]

4:05:06 It is NOT TRUE that Brad and Angelina told Madonna to go to Africa, and in fact, Madonna's never actually met Angelina Jolie. Dang. I liked that rumor.

4:09:49 THE BABY HAS NO AIDS. DO NOT BE ALARMED.

It remains to be seen if the collective "awwww" of worldwide audiences gazing upon Rocco receiving his adorable, healthy baby brother created a gale force strong enough to realign the winds of global public opinion in Madonna's favor, but as damage control appearances go, it seems at first glance as if she managed to hit all the right, "No, I did not buy this baby illegally with the earnings from the Japan-leg of my recent tour" notes.