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Just in case you are the one person who hasn't already become intimately familiar with Britney's c-section scar and all the rest, well, here you go. Not. Safe. For. Work. [Drunken Stepfather]
But maybe we can still dare to hope for the classy makeover to take effect! (We're dewy-eyed idealists who are always trying to see the good in everyone, OKAY?) Brit won't be joining Paris Hilton as Billboard Music Awards co-host, perhaps signaling an end to their five-day bestfriendship. [UsWeekly]
Sofia Coppola gave birth to a daughter named Romy, whose nepotism-based career we look forward to deriding when we're old. [People]
Snoop Dogg was arrested with cocaine, a firearm, and "a large amount of marijuana." Related: it's Wednesday. [TMZ]
Matt Lauer's wife bore his third child, a son named Tjis. Because the only thing worse than having a name that contains a silent j is having all of your dumb childhood antics trotted out to fill dead Today show airtime. Also, rhymes with 'lice.' [Celebitchy]
