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This week's issue of Us asks an important, but as yet neglected, question arising from Britney Spears' recent, troubling partnership with starlet-devouring partytard Paris Hilton, whose fleeting affections have driven previously discarded sidekick Nicole Richie into the bony embrace of a mysterious eating disorder and set Lindsay Lohan's auburn-tinged ladyparts aflame for all time: But what about the children? While it's understandable to assume that Spears' questionable child-rearing abilities (Sean Preston will involuntarily shake in the presence of a high chair well into adulthood) will hardly be improved by spending her nights installed in a booth at Hyde, her kids will be fine. Ever since Spears tried to teach her first child how to drive her getaway car, Child Protective Services has quietly assigned a full-time tail to ensure her offspring's safety, and Britney plans to spend more quality time with new arrival Jayden James by integrating him into her lifestyle, at least to a point: The infant will be allowed to ride along to the clubs with Mommy in Auntie Paris' Maybach, but once they arrive at their hotspot of choice, a specially designated valet will babysit for the duration of the evening by nestling the baby in the glovebox, an improvised crib comfortably lined with the panties Spears and Hilton ritualistically discard before leaving the vehicle.