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Not content to merely accept the explanation "because flashing her exposed cooter to the swarm of paparazzi photographing her exit from Paris Hilton's car seemed like it would be good for business," the brave investigative journalists at E! Online decided to explore other possibilities for the serial vagina-revealer's recent experimentation with a panty-free lifestyle. Excerpts from their yeoman's work in this matter follow:

Is Britney Spears allergic to underpants?

Clinically speaking, it's possible.

"Commonly, a lot of underwear is often made out of polyester, which is not a natural fabric," says Dr. Ted Edwards of the Allergy Expert Website. "And a lot of people have a reaction to that." [...]

According to Harry Finley, who has researched the history of underpants for his Website, the Museum of Menstruation & Women's Health, Spears' crotchless lifestyle is a throwback.

"No women [wore underpants] up to a certain point," Finley says. "All men and women wore a kind of chemise—a long undershirt—with nothing underneath. That was their underwear."

Granted, in those days—say the 1700s—panty-free women weren't squeezing into micro-miniskirts and exiting limos outside Hyde, as Spears is wont to do.

"Obviously, if you wore a lot of outer clothing you can get away with more," Finley says. [...]

On the off chance Spears is alone [in her eschewal of underwear], maybe all she needs is a time machine.

"People were not concerned a long time ago with smell, and washing was considered not healthy," Finley says. "People were pretty gross."

So Spears would be at home?

"She'd fit right in."

We imagine that even in the 18th century, the scene would be eerily familiar: as Spears' horse-drawn carriage pulled up to an exclusive saloon, she'd throw open the door, considerately gather up her hoop skirt, and pause for the uncomfortable long interval necessary for the gathering swarm of freelance newspaper sketch-artists to hand-draw her womanly features, hoping to see the headline CABARET SINGER'S MODESTY EXPOSED appear in print the next day.