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We usually expect to read our articles about how today's parents are self-obsessed pieces of shit in New York (which never seems to realize that the subjects they profile are self-obsessed pieces of shit). However, Friday's Wall Street Journal saw New York's douche and said "douch ," with this stunning article about how adults are essentially ignoring their kids in favor of their BlackBerries. It's chock-full of repellent professional-types who should have been chemically castrated before they were ever allowed to procreate, and it should be read in full, but we've culled some of the most poignant parts and placed them after the jump.

  • Bob Ledbetter III, a third-grader in Rome, Ga., says he tries to tell his father to put the BlackBerry down, but can't even get his attention. "Sometimes I think he's deaf," says the 9-year-old.

  • The gadgets are recognizable to young children. A few parents say "BlackBerry" is in their toddlers' early vocabulary. Lucas Ellin, a Los Angeles 5-year-old, pretends he has his own, parading around the house with a small toy in his hand while shrieking, "Look, Mommy, it's my BlackBerry!"

  • Elsa has hidden the BlackBerry on occasion — Hohlt says she tried to flush it down the toilet last year. Their mother, Elizabeth Pecore, who co-owns a specialty grocery store, denies the incident. But Elsa also seems to recognize that it brings her mom comfort, not unlike a pacifier or security blanket. Recently, seeing her mom slumped on the couch after work, Elsa fished the BlackBerry from her mother's purse and brought it to her. "Mommy," she asked, "will this make you feel better?"

  • Emma Colonna wishes her parents would behave, at least when they're out in public. The ninth-grade student in Port Washington, N.Y., says she has caught her parents typing emails on their Treos during her eighth-grade awards ceremony, at dinner and in darkened movie theaters. "During my dance recital, I'm 99% sure they were emailing except while I was on stage," she says. "I think that's kind of rude."

  • Bonus Bit of Repulsive Rationalization:

  • One of BlackBerry's biggest defenders, Jim Balsillie, the chairman of Research In Motion, says children should ask themselves, "Would you rather have your parents 20% not there or 100% not there?"

  • We're starting to understand how Columbines happen.
  • BlackBerry Orphans [WSJ]