The Tech Villain Dream Team
NICK DOUGLAS — "Do you expect me to talk?" "No, Mr. Bond, I expect you to die!"
To a civilian, technology is "the application of science, especially to industrial or commercial objectives." To a villain, technology is the application of science to kicking the world's ass. It's also what always gives that pesky Bond the edge. But what if the world's techiest villains teamed up? Why, Mr. Bond, I'd expect you to die. Meet the tech villain dream team.
Max Zorin: Monopolizers, eat your hearts out. This Nazi-engineered Bond villain will trigger an earthquake to flood Silicon Valley, thus cornering the market in computer chips. And he'll pump a few horses full of steroids along the way.
Wile E. Coyote: What a gadget whore. ACME catapults, ACME earthquake pills, ACME portable holes. But this super genius always seems to get the one bad model of every gadget. Is he just ACME's beta tester?
Lex Luthor: Einstein is his hero, Superman his enemy, and science and business his twin pursuits. He's built robots to patrol Metropolis, rebuilt Gotham City (yes, Gotham City), and even ascended to the presidency under the platform of "a flying car in every garage." But he did it all for #1: Luthor wants power; he's the ubermensch with no regard for good or evil. Don't the best villains always see themselves as heroes?
Gaius Baltar: He didn't actually mean to be a villain. It was just the only way that the 12 Colonies' most brilliant scientist, who designed the entire world's defense systems, could survive after revealing secrets to a Cylon. He's conniving, that Baltar, and his cunning and his "amazing capacity for self-preservation" have kept him alive.
Dr. Evil: I want sharks! With frikkin' laser beams!
Dr. Robotnik: Also known as Dr. Eggman, Sonic the Hedgehog's archenemy likes to trap animals in robot form and make them do his bidding. He's seen here in his Eggmobile, with its perfectly secure body and its pointless and vulnerable legs.
Dr Weird (yes there are a lot of doctors): Gentlemen, behold! The show-opening villain on Aqua Teen Hunger Force has phenomenal cosmic powers: taco-shooting, monster-making, and the ability to explode any part of his body. Who knows how many people he has killed? Who knows how many times he's murdered his assistant Steve?
Dr. Doom: The mightiest of the dream team, Dr. Doom is as brilliant as Dr. Fantastic (or Reed Richards) of the Fantastic Four. He harnesses both magic and technology (including armor crafted by Tibetan monks) to lord over the country of Latveria. He has conquered the world more than once.
