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While we've made it a policy to never make New Year's resolutions, accepting that we will make the same mistakes over and over again and are powerless to change the self-destructive behavior that will eventually result in a grisly doom, we recognize that some people need the injection of soul-lifting positivity that compiling such an inventory of well-intentioned goals can provide. Today's Rush & Molloy column reprints a number of the 53 resolutions that Promises Malibu Platinum Club member Courtney Love posted to her website, which can serve as a blueprint for anyone wishing to improve themselves in the coming year through misspelled declarations of self-empowerment:

* Have a happy satisfied child and family * sell the pony get a new horse * try this "thin" anthropoligical experiment — get to my goal weight healthily and stay there * cahnt for the war in Iraq to cease asap * chant for Hillary to win * learn an asian language * dont peek at tabloids and bad websites, as it absouloutly shatters the Law to make that cause agiants yourself.

* have fantastic sex with commitment and honour with someone whoo treats me as i deserve and dont give my power away * DO NOT SLLOW MYSELF TO BE A DOORMAT INA RELATIONSHIP EVER EVER AGAIN * hopefully start another family someday — soon. meet that guy * know that Kurts spirit is tended to and tend to it daily * LEARN TO DRIVE * STOP SMOKING GO TO HYPNI THERAPY AND JUST DAMM WELL STOP * another year, another year without even wine no matter how hard i try to justify that "wines okay" knw that is the demon voice and put it out of my thoughts * dont go to nightclubs with 19 year olds * stay pissed off at the world for song usage * no more surgery for any reason other than medical until i really need it in my 60s

Really, shutting out the "demon voice" should take care of many of the items on the list; by simply ignoring its malevolent whispers, Love should be able to resist the progress-shattering temptations to go out partying with kids half her age, wind up surrendering her power to someone seeking an honorless one-night stand, and then resort to unnecessary cosmetic surgery to futilely attempt to repair a self-image newly damaged by allowing herself to once again be a doormat.