Florida Club Fires Paris, Begins Search For America's Next Top Celebutard Figurehead
According to the AP, Paris Hilton has been "fired" by nightclub chain Club Paris for precisely the kind of attention-whoring antics [Ed.note—Oh, the irony!] they'd hoped would attract publicity to their drinking establishments, such as showing up hours late (or not at all) to scheduled public appearances at the bars, unacceptably unprofessional behavior that deprived scores of excited, Hilton-loving patrons of the opportunity to witness America's foremost practitioner of the unearned celebrity arts demonstrate her estimable Vodkatini-chugging abilities in person. Even though the venue's proprietor felt he had to take the difficult step of severing ties with his original endorsementard, he's committed to the overall concept of a nightclub fronted by a bimbo figurehead, and has already announced a planned nationwide search for Hilton's successor:
After the initial audition, 300 of the most gorgeous, intelligent, and talented women in the nation will then be narrowed down to 36. From those 36 women, the top 18 will be guaranteed a deal for the Miss Club Paris USA calendar.
Out of those fabulous 18, the top 3 will advance as finalists, in hopes of winning the crown of Miss Club Paris USA!
The winner will receive a choice of a Mercedes Benz SLR McLaren or a Ferrari to drive for 12 months as well as a 12 month paid luxury apartment near Club Paris' corporate office, reasonable salary, and all expenses paid including travel and entertainment.
We wish the Club Paris team the best in its obviously doomed hunt for The Replacement, but we're sure they'll quickly discover that no matter how many luxury apartments or exotic sportscars they lavish upon their faux-Hilton, they'll never be able to adequately simulate the lazy-eyed, vacant stare of carefree privilege that only a lifetime as a genuine hotel heiress can provide.
