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This image was lost some time after publication.

NICK DOUGLAS — With the social tools at your disposal, you can propose to your girlfriend with a $25 ad spot or call your local pizza place to say hi. Sure, you can be friendly. But wouldn't you rather play rough? You can launch a smear campaign against your enemies from the comfort of your own home, by following this five-step plan.

1. Cut a hole in a box. No, no, kidding. Step one is to buy a week's worth of TV ads on Spotrunner. The site sells ads for markets all over the U.S. for cheap. For example, $539 gets me 196 spots over two weeks in the Ozarks. That includes ads on CNN, ESPN, and other networks, sometimes during prime time. Buy some spots in your hometown, film your own negative ad (edit it online with Jumpcut), and upload it. Now you're good to go with your own local attack ads. "Joe Schmoe is a moron. I'm Jane Doe and I approve of this message."

2. While you can accomplish plenty in that TV spot, make sure you include a URL for your (anonymous) YouTube account. That's where you go viral with a daily updated video of your enemy. Shoot "coverage" of your target from afar with 20x zoom (digital zoom is fine, it's all going to look like crap on YouTube anyway). Then shoot a monologue with your webcam or iSight. Remember those "useless" video tricks that came with your webcam, like sunglasses and hats? Just disguise your face with those and you can play your own enemy. "Joe Schmoe is a moron. I'm Joe Schmoe and I approve of this message."

3. Fake an ad on Craigslist. Thank the gods for anonymous re-directs! Post a salacious ad on Craigslist and ask respondents to give their phone numbers. Use a disposable e-mail service like Mailinator if you need to coax anyone to give up their digits. "M4MW: Joe Schmoe seeks Joan Roe and John Doe."

4. Prank call #1: Calling the Craigslist mistress. Or mister. You can hide your caller ID with ShadowNumber, a "discreet" service meant for clandestine love affairs. They'll keep your secret. Call up the Craigslist liaison, and feel free to use your enemy's phone number. "Hey, wanna Joe my Schmoe?"

5. Prank call #2: A sex addict's cry for help. Now go in for the kill. Your enemy is already getting maligned on TV and on the Internet. Lonely Craigslisters are ringing them up. For a final blow, use Google's click-to-call to call up the local Sexaholics Anonymous (or other embarrassing organization of choice). Like ShadowNumber, Google lets you enter any caller ID you want. Stage a dramatic plea from a man gone insane. Then vlog about it on YouTube. For a bonus, videoconference into the SA meeting. "I'm Joe, and I'm a sexaholic." "Hi Joe!"

The above is satire. We don't recommend you actually go and DO any of it, especially in any way that's illegal. If you did, it'd end up on Digg or Boing Boing, you'd get caught, and a million geeks would buy TV spots mocking YOU.