Our initial disappointment that this video didn't deliver its promised clip of Gwyneth Paltrow talking about the YouTubes at last night's Oscar ceremony quickly gave way to awe as we realized what we'd actually stumbled upon: Some cameraphone footage smuggled out of VF's legendary Morton's bash, in which a newly bald Jack Nicholson proves once and for all that he only shaved his head to play the part of a terminal cancer patient and not because of any mysterious malady of his own, demonstrating his incredible health by removing his shirt and jumping repeatedly into a hastily constructed bonfire. The audio's garbled to the point of incomprehensibility, but we could swear we hear him say, "Now bring me Reese Witherspoon. All that bouncing around's got me all revved up!" after his final tumble through the flames.