Stalk of the Town: Hugh Grant's About a Ploy
The date: February 12th
The time: 9 p.m.
The place: Nobu 57, 40 W. 57th Street.
Sighted: "Saw Hugh Grant going into Nobu 57. He must love Japanese cuisine actually."
People dine alone at restaurants for various reasons. Some have no friends. Others are orphans. And still others are forced to eat alone because they wrote columns insulting apparent national treasure Angela Lansbury. If Jessica Fletcher were on the case, she would say that on the night of February 12th, foppish actor Hugh Grant dined alone for another reason - the man got dumped by his girlfriend of three years, Jemima Khan.
Celebrity scholars have advanced several theories regarding the cause of the breakup:
1. Prince and the Pauper Theory: The trustworthy Fametastic.co.uk reports that Jemima and Hugh split because of class differences. Whereas Jemima's father was a bazillionaire, Hugh is essentially a chimney sweep who rolls up with Indian take-out food to impress Jemima's folks. However, this theory is likely false, as the plot of Notting Hill proves that celebrities and piece of shit peasants can fall in love and make it work.
2. Cheating Theory: The scrupulous Malaysian Sun contends that Jemima dumped Hugh because he was cheating on her with a not all fabricated and completely made up "posh and plummy senior executive at Warner Bros." While this theory is plausible given the Divine Brown BJ incident, identifying the British paramour only by her poshness and plumminess essentially narrows the possible suspects to the entire population of the United Kingdom and is for all intents and purposes the equivalent of having a girlfriend "at camp."
3. Camilla Hurley Theory: Perhaps the most persuasive theory is that Jemima cut Hugh loose after she realized he was still in love with former girlfriend Liz Hurley. Indeed, it's no coincidence that Jemima looks like a poor man's Liz Hurley, and furthermore, the plotline of three people in a relationship appears to be the only British love scenario available (see supra: Charles, Diana & Camilla and Bridget Jones' Diary).
However, this celebrity scholar posits a different theory: After Liz failed to acknowledge the monkey dowry he sent her for her impending March 3rd nuptials to Arun Nayar, Hugh dumped Jemima in order to concentrate full-time on getting Liz back. Normally we'd have to wait and see what happens, but luckily Four Weddings & a Funeral has already been written, and if Hugh is any self-respecting romantic comedian, he will barge in during the ceremony, object to the marriage, perform a soliloquy, and then exit the church into the pouring rain, to be followed, moments later, by a quick text message to Divine.
