Hugh Grant hates being a celebrity, hates being an actor and generally seems like a smug and unpleasant person to be around. Now, Jon Stewart has confirmed that Grant is exactly that. Last week, Stewart was interviewed by Stephen Colbert onstage in Montclair, New Jersey at a fundraiser for the Montclair Film Festival. Among the topics was the worst guest to ever appear on Stewart's show, and he didn't hesitate in answering.

Tinglan Hong, the mother of Hugh Grant's infant daughter, has just won a pledge from a leading celebrity photo agency promising not to actively make her life miserable (within 100 meters of her home) because she had sex with Hugh Grant that one time.

As if the News Corp. hacking scandal weren't already lousy with pitch-perfect villains, a new one has topped them all. Former News of the World deputy features editor Paul McMullan gave a bravura performance today before a British government inquiry into the press scandal, gamely defending the most loathsome transgressions of his colleagues in the U.K. tabloid press with Snidely Whiplash relish.

Hugh Grant added some star power to the phone hacking scandal today when he appeared on the stand in London to tell everyone that he thinks his phone was hacked. He's not sure it was hacked, but he has a sneaking suspicion. It appears that is enough to testify these days.

After much berating, the Kardashian klan kracks and starts telling lies. Lindsay Lohan returns to court. Hugh Grant has a baby after a "fleeting affair" with a mystery woman. Denise Richards and Richie Sambora reunite. Wednesday gossip plays with semantics.

Your beloved newsman's new talk show had an inauspicious debut. Also today: Entourage ended well, Hugh Grant is heading to the clouds, and new TV projects are in the works.

It seems as though Ashton Kutcher is about to throw his hat back into the sitcom ring—and in a way you never saw coming. According to The Hollywood Reporter, the former That 70s Show star will return to primetime this fall—for a "big payday"—when he replaces Charlie Sheen on Two and a Half Men, which is still somehow the top-rated comedy on television.

America's one-time favorite British person almost joined the cast of America's one-time favorite sitcom. A match made in sad heaven! Also today: news from Cannes, a bloody upfront scares us all, and of course Hunger Games casting news.

As the Winslet-Mendes marriage fell apart, Kate "freaked out" over her Mendes-directed sex scenes with Leonardo. Snooki on sobering up in jail: "It happens to the best of us." Tuesday gossip is a matter of opinion.

The likable, coltish actress has just won an Oscar but all anyone can talk about is hissy Jesse James gossip. So let's take a moment to discuss not her marital woes, but how she can keep the career buzz going.

But now we've got a marijuana rumor. Emma Watson gets an on-campus boyfriend. Liz Hurley and Hugh Grant reunite to trade tips for graceful aging. Courtney Love admits to physically harming her daughter. Sunday gossip turns back the clock.

We were assaulted by a drunk asshole at a Christmas party last night, so we missed the Did You Hear about the Morgans? premiere. Luckily fictional freelancer Betsey Morgenstern doesn't get invited to anything, so she was around to cover.

• The most genetically blessed child in the world has arrived. Supermodel Gisele Bundchen and husband Tom Brady are the parents of a bouncing baby boy, although they haven't divulged his name yet. [People]
• He's been selling off his homes left and right to pay off the millions he owes in back taxes. Now Nic Cage is being sued by the mother of his 18-year-old son, Christina Fulton, who claims Cage subjected her to "mental, physical and emotional abuse," promised to pay off $250,000 in credit card debt, and reneged on a promise to give her the house she lives in. She's seeking $13 million, which is probably about $13 million more than Cage can afford. [TMZ, P6]
• Giuseppe Cipriani is back! The scandal-plagued restaurateur has been out of the country for the past year as he faces possible criminal charges. But he's working out a deal with the feds, which explains why he's back in NYC and was seen at both Harry Cipriani and Downtown Cipriani yesterday. [P6, NYDN]
• What's the latest with Tiger Woods? Glad you asked! His mother-in-law, who was rushed to the hospital after experiencing stomach pains, was released yesterday and is doing fine; a new report suggests Woods paid a porn star named Veronica Siwik-Daniels for sex "for years" when he was in Las Vegas; another outlet reports he gave one of his other mistresses, Jamie Jungers, thousands of dollars over the years and she used some of the cash to pay for liposuction; the Star reports that Elin Nordegren called Rachel Uchitel 90 minutes before Tiger's car crash, yelled "I know everything," hurled the phone at Tiger's face, and then "chased him around the house" smashing up the place; and Rachel Uchitel is finally speaking out and tells OK! that she's really upset that she's been portrayed as a "villain" up until now. [NYP, NYDN, Star, OK!]

That's the normal reaction when Hugh Grant touches your butt, right? Rachel Uchitel finally goes to the press, Rihanna wants to make out with Megan Fox, Ben and Jen mate like bunnies. Wednesday gossip, yours for the taking.

After moving to L.A., this hypersexual British socialite and reality TV star couldn't land a headline, no matter how many nips she slipped or how much body paint she wore. Then, Casey Johnson planted a sex toy in her bed.

Chef and Food Network fixture Mario Batali turns 48 today. Adam Sandler is turning 43. Hugh Grant is 49. Michelle Williams is turning 29. Retired football great Joe Theismann is 60. Singer Michael Bublé is turning 34. Actor Tom Wopat is 58. And '90s model Rachel Hunter celebrates her 40th birthday today.

Kevin Bacon heading into Da Silvano to meet a friend for lunch ... Blake Lively and Penn Badgley walking down Fifth Avenue ... Hugh Grant jogging in SoHo ... Mischa Barton taking a smoking break outside ... David Letterman getting ready to play tennis with Andy Roddick outside the Late Show ... Maroon 5's Adam Levine walking downtown with his girlfriend ... Christina Milian hugging her fiancé, and later shopping at American Apparel ... Jane Krakowski walking with boyfriend Robert Godley in the Village ... actress Archie Panjabi filming scenes for The Good Wife ... ... and Rihanna taking her brothers to see The Lion King on Broadway.

Steven Spielberg walking in SoHo ... Sarah Jessica Parker leaving her West Village townhouse ... Alec Baldwin filming scenes for 30 Rock at Tao ... Michael Kors walking near Bryant Park ... Hugh Grant having dinner last night at the Standard Grill ... Rihanna eating lunch at Da Silvano with her assistant ... Taylor Momsen hailing a cab with her mom in the West Village ... Blake Lively and Chace Crawford filming scenes for Gossip Girl in the meatpacking district and Hilary Duff exiting her trailer nearby ... Kevin Federline leaving lunch at Cafe Metro with girlfriend Victoria Prince ... Jamie Spears walking in Midtown ... Nia Long talking on her phone outside her hotel ... America Ferrera shooting scenes for Ugly Betty in Times Square ... and Courtney Love shopping with a friend in SoHo.

[Submit your own Gawker Stalker sightings to stalker@gawker.com] August 19th @ night Sarah Jessica Parker and Hugh Grant canoodling at Minetta Tavern. Lots of wine and french fries. She was laughing and as my father said "Acting quite girly."

Drew Barrymore walking to yoga class downtown ... Whoopi Goldberg leaving the Apple store in SoHo ... Lindsay Lohan shopping at INA on Thompson Street ... singer Jessie James arriving at MTV's studios in Times Square ... Sienna Miller getting out of an SUV and heading into an office building ... Amber Rose talking on her cell phone ... Al Pacino shooting scenes for You Don't Know Jack ... Whitney Port walking in SoHo ... Frances Bean Cobain shopping at Zachary's Smile in the East Village ... Carlos Leon riding a bike in SoHo ... Penn Badgley walking to the Gossip Girl set ... and Sarah Jessica Parker leaving Minetta Tavern with Hugh Grant.