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We here at Defamer are fully aware that the public may have long since reached its saturation point with Anna Nicole Smith death coverage, and that nothing short of a decomposed Smith knocking from within her casket during her "over the top" Bahamas funeral, then climbing out to perform a surprisingly on-key rendition of "Don't Cha" for the gathered guests, would warrant mentioning. You may be amazed to learn, however, that there are fascinating, still unexplored avenues to this bizarre tale, even if they only exist on alternate-reality planes. Without further ado, then, we proudly present for you some hot Howard K. Stern-on-Larry Birkhead slashfic action:

Howard K. Stern kept staring at Larry until Larry became very uncomfortable. "What are you looking at, punkhead?" Larry yelled out towards Howard's direction. "I am looking at a man I would love to see naked," Howard answered aggressively. Larry thought Howard was joking so he made no further comment.

Howard added, "So, what do you say? Like to strip for me, loverboy? I bet I am bigger than you?" Larry felt challenged, even though he was the shorter of the two.

"I am bigger than you," Larry churped. Larry decided it was time to leave and as he got up, Howard quickly tripped him. Larry landed on the floor with a thump and Howard jumped on him and held him down. Howard's stronger body pressed against the surfer-looking Larry. Larry could feel the hardness of another man, something he had never thought of before. Howard was proud of his own manhood and knew how to use it to attract women, but in this isolated situation, he was determined to make Larry Birkhead his prettybitch. Howard whispered erotically, "I think you're hot, Larry, let me see you naked."

Needless to say, things only get steamier from there, with the two warring babydaddies' consummative hatefuck eventually climaxing in Stern's orgasmic battle cry, "FUCK YOU, LOVER BOY, TAKE MY BABY JUICE. FUCK YOU. FFFFFFF UUUUUUUUUU CCCCCCCCCCCC CCCKKKKKKKKK." (There's also a surprise coda featuring an international superstar; you'll just have to read to find out who it is!) We realize the chances are slim-to-none that this scenario would unfold as written, but for a brief moment, during the tender pillow-talk exchange between the unlikely lovers, we couldn't help but think to ourselves how one fairy tale ending could possibly come out of this entire nightmare: Dannielynn has two daddies.