Should Tom Cruise decide to purchase a pied terre in the Dakota—an event, sadly, more longed for than likely; a source tells us that "Tom prefers the Carlyle"—he'd face some fairly strict scrutiny. A tipster explains who does and doesn't get into the Dakota:

Does Cruise have Board approval to buy a place? There are two types of apartments in the Dakota: large luxury spaces with many rooms, and smaller apartments with high ceilings and beautiful woodwork but no bigger than 800 or 1000 square feet. Some of these are owned by moderately successful Wall Street types, but they tend to have strong representation on the board.

One board member is known to brag about how he was one of the people who turned down Carly Simon (too high-maintenance) and Melanie Griffith and Antonio Banderas. The board member made his decision after looking at Griffith's website, where she discusses her sex life. In his eyes, this made her disreputable. In addition, the couple wanted to buy an apartment on the ground floor (which would attract paparazzi). Also? She had been married to Don Johnson. [We actually find this objection kind of reasonable. -Ed.]

This was the same summer that the board member held a courtyard party to which invitees were informed that they were allowed to bring their wives, but not their girlfriends. How virtuous the Dakota board!

Well, if he really were to apply, we're sure someone of Cruise's firm moral staure would be a shoo-in for approval. And, really, who would dare block the possibility of Tom sharing space with eminent film critic and Dakota resident Rex Reed? Those would be some super elevator rides!

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Earlier: TomKat To Make Love And Art Inside The Dakota?