Breaking: It's Larry's!
Admittedly, we had prepared in advance for other possible outcomes, but in our hearts, we always knew that no amount of baby home hair-coloring products could cover the golden locks Larry Birkhead passed down to his genetic progeny. Moments ago, the elated Entourage background player announced to a gathered crowd that Dannielynn was 99.9999% his. Howard K. Stern then told reporters he was "obviously very disappointed," but that he would "do everything I can to make sure he gets sole custody," as opposed to the baby's overzealous grave-filling grandmother Virgie Arthur. Reports then have the two former adversaries hugging it out, bitch—a tender moment of reconciliation that would have been incredibly moving if it didn't instantly bring to mind the slashfic Stern-on-Birkhead fantasy that scarred us some weeks ago. Developing...