Madonna's Malawi Mission Of Peace Marred By Orphan Intifada
Perhaps realizing that instructing her handlers to "just drop me in the armpit of Africa. Somewhere no one's ever heard of. I'm about to make an anonymous, destitute country famous!" for a demi-orphan shopping adventure may have come across like the self-serving act of an aging pop icon, Madonna returned to Malawi with little David Banda and lesser biological offspring Lourdes in tow, to follow the progress on the construction of her exciting charitable projects like the Little Red Kabbalic Reprogramming Schoolhouse. Also on the itinerary was a reunion with David's concerned father, which quickly devolved into mayhem when the army of international reporters who had descended upon the scene were fended off by a defensive ring of rock-launching teenage orphans:
Malawi police and stone-throwing school students blocked journalists from covering pop star Madonna's visit to an orphanage on Tuesday where the boy she is adopting was due to meet his biological father.
Teenaged students in black and yellow uniforms from the secondary school at the Mchinji Home of Hope orphanage hurled stones at journalists' cars and formed a protective ring around the building.
It would be a shame to dismiss the trip as a failure just because of one orphan uprising—here, for example, is video of a far less agitated interaction, in which Madonna tours an impoverished village, offering a local farmer a dessicated vegetable husk before being whisked away in an SUV. We're concerned, however, about the brutal effectiveness of this kinless army. As soon as word gets out about Madonna's mercenary orphan detail, it will only be a matter of time before every paparazzi-hounded A-lister insists on enhancing their security with their own team of Mchinji ninjas, stealthily dressed in black and yellow, and trained to crack an HD camera lens from over 20 meters before taking out the videographer himself with a series of machine-gunned pebbles to the skull.
