As noted philosopher Carrie Bradshaw once put it, the New York Times wedding announcements are "the straight woman's sports pages." Altarcations is all about scoring the game. Each week, we evaluate the latest newlyweds, based on an elaborate rating system, described below.

With a name like Minor Myers III, you best believe you'll be making an appearance right here. MMIII (pictured!) and his lady Eliza Harrington came out on top this week, racking up a total of 17 points. They're all up in the Society of Cincinnati, an association of descendants of the officers in the American Revolutionary War, and as you know, there is nothing that makes us weaker in the knees than descendants of the officers in the American Revolutionary War. Word.

Eliza Harrington and Minor Myers III: 17 points

  • Minor's name is "Minor": +1
  • Minor is a "III": +2
  • Minor's parents are from Mystic, CT: +1
  • They were married at Anderson House, the home of the Society of Cincinnati, an association of the descendants of the officers in the American Revolutionary War, of which the bridegroom is a member: +2
  • Minor's father wrote two books about the Society of Cincinnati: +1
  • Eliza is a doctor: +2
  • Eliza graduated from Harvard: +2
  • Eliza's father is on the board of trustees at Sibley Memorial Hospital: +1
  • Minor was a corporate lawyer and is to be a visiting professor at Brooklyn Law School: +2
  • Minor received a law degree from Yale: +3
  • Jennifer Merzon and Christopher Evans: 15 points
  • Both received law degrees from Duke: +2
  • Christopher graduated from Duke magna cum laude: +2
  • Both are lawyers: +5
  • Jennifer graduated from Dartmouth: +1
  • Christopher graduated summa cum laude from Bowdoin: +3
  • Christopher is on the board of the League Treatment Center: +1
  • His parents are from Manhattan: +1
  • Megan Lynch and Todd Johnson: 11 points
  • Todd's parents are from New York: +1
  • Megan was an I-banker at Gerson Lehrman "until last month": +3 (for clearly quitting her job right before the wedding)
  • Todd is a consultant at Bain: +2
  • Todd has an M.B.A from Dartmouth: +2
  • And a MA in public health from Harvard: +3

    Our patented rating system:
  • Investment banker: +2
    Both Investment bankers: +5
    Job involving the word "banker" OR "investment": +1
    Both have jobs involving the word "banker" OR "investment": +3
    Management Consultant: +2
    Both management consultants: +5
    Trader: +2
    Both traders: +5
    Corporate lawyer: +2
    Both corporate lawyers: +5
    Works for Defense Department: +2
    Doctor: +2
    Both doctors: +5
    Teacher at a New York City or Connecticut private school: 2
    Parents from New York City or wealthy suburb in Connecticut: 1
    New York Times employee: +1
    State Department employee: +2
    Bride is an elementary school teacher: +1
    Works in media: +1
    Ivy league graduate: +1 *
    Both ivy league graduates: +3
    Harvard, Yale, Princeton, Oxford, Cambridge, Sorbonne: +2*
    Both Harvard, Yale, Princeton, Oxford, Cambridge, Sorbonne: +5*
    For each subsequent degree after a B.A.: +1
    Ivy league B.A. with graduate degree at low-ranking local
    college/university: -1
    If bride or groom attended/teach at any school with "Country Day" in
    the name: +2
    Coro fellow at NYU Law: +1
    Has MFA in creative writing from University of Iowa: +1
    Graduated Cum Laude: +1
    Graduated Magna Cum Laude: +2
    Graduated Summa Cum Laude: +3
    Fulbright fellow: +2
    Rhodes scholar: +3
    Couple met online: -1
    Couple met at art opening: 2
    Couple met at art opening for husband's/wife's show: +3
    Woman is at ideal age for getting married (25): 1
    Man is at ideal age for getting married (27): 1
    For each member of couple over 35: -1
    Couple married by a Cantor: +1
    Couple met during or before their freshman year in college: +2
    Bride or groom goes by middle name: +1
    Mother a nursery school/kindergarten teacher or reading
    specialist/father is a wealthy professional: +3
    If the groom is Jewish and the bride Asian: +2
    If the groom is Asian and the bride is Jewish: -1
    Bride and groom share a last name before getting married: +2
    The bride/bridegroom's first marriage ended in divorce: -2
    Descendant/related to somebody famous: +3
    Descendant of a President: +5
    Descendant of a founding father: +5
    Groom wearing gingham in picture: +1
    Parent is a trustee or board member of a company or organization: +1
    per company/org
    Parent is a member of the Bermuda parliament: +2
    Bride or Groom is a board member of a company or organization: +1 per
    company/org
    Bride "is keeping her name", "will continue to use her name professionally": -1
    If there is a Jr., II, III or IV in a name: +2
    If there is a "von" in a last name: +2
    Couple featured in "Vows" column: +2
    Bride or groom's first name is a made-up preppy name: +3
    If someone famous comes to the wedding and is mentioned: +2
    If wedding ceremony held at Bethesda by the Sea in Palm Beach, and/or
    reception under a tent at the bride's grandmother's house in P.B: +2
    Bride clearly quits her job after the wedding: +1
    Married by an Episcopal priest: +1
    Groom is 15-30 years older than bride: +3
    Bride and groom both from New Jersey: -2
    Partner in corporate law firm: +3
    Bridge teaches elementary school, groom in finance: +2
    Bride works for auction house, groom in finance: +2
    Bride/groom works for company founded by parents: +2
    Bride/groom related to a socialite: +2
    *Apply to graduate school degrees in addition to B.A.s
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