There would be no dancing on The Ellen DeGeneres Show today, not when the preternaturally upbeat talk show host offered a rare glimpse inside her tortured, pet-lover's soul: Through deep sobs, she relayed the shocking and sad story of Iggy, a Brussels Griffon mix she adopted from an unnamed local shelter (news reports later revealed it to be the Moms & Mutts rescue in Pasadena).

When Iggy failed to get along with DeGeneres's feline stooges, she passed him along to her hairdresser's family—a contractual no-no, that resulted in Moms & Mutts secret police showing up on their doorstep to confiscate the illegally transferred mongrel. While the footage is disturbing (we encourage you to watch it away from young children and impressionable lapdogs), we're confident that the comedian's tear-soaked plea for kennel mercy will result in Iggy's surrender, and America will be free to dance in the aisles again.