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Our commenters are, some say, an added value to our website. Some say otherwise! Aannnnnyhooo, our crazed uber-commenter (and Gawker ad fella!) LolCait reads every word of it—and rewards that which makes him laugh and cry.

Hey, have you ever tried alcohol? Well, it's really, really fun for a little while and then really, really quickly it becomes really, really not fun. So if the Lady Drink has not yet wrapped her cold, willowy arms around you: Stay Away. Lest you find yourself like me on this fine Friday morning, clinging to dear life and dreaming of bedtime. At least I have these lovely words from five fabulous commenters to help me weather the hurt.

From IWN2000 in Hacks on Hacks:
"Why just this morning outside of the Pennsylvania Station a cabbie in a newsboy cap chewing an unlit stogie answered my hail with a delightfully impudent 'Where to, Mac?'"

From CONCERNED CITIZEN in Coals to Newcastle:
"If I had the cash, I could buy that Segway I've been wanting, which would get me to the cash before it runs out. What a lesson in cruel, circular irony."

From SARCASTRO in The Truth About Vegansexuals:
"What a coincidence to read this post when I'm sculpting a fire hydrant-sized butt plug from leftover tofurkey."

From RELUCTANTENTITY in Neal Pollack, Unblock Me From Facebook Right This Minute:
"This is ingenious. Everybody should have three Facebook profiles! And like if you pick the wrong one, poison spits out of the monitor. Take that, stalkers."

From YIDVICIOUS in Ask Tionna:
"An escape goat is better than a getaway car every time. Because, you know, it can eat the evidence.
(Goats are funny.)"

Yup. That's all I'm good for today: Goats. Are. Funny. Goodnight.