Last night, representatives of the five design teams proposing plans for West Side Rail Yards development made their first public presentations. The order was randomly chosen, with each team allotted 20 minutes each. Inside Cooper Union's Great Hall, an old man stood directly behind me and began chewing on something loudly. A young Jewfro'd man, not being able to find a seat, simply lay down on the floor, as if star-gazing. Were all development enthusiasts born in a barn? In any event, four proposals were "meh" to interesting. And one was horrific.

Each team basically agreed on the following: They wanted to preserve and incorporate the High Line Park, create additional green space, and make the space environmentally sustainable. Several emphasized diversity of architectural styles and materials, as well as creating "intimate" spaces within larger ones.

Steven Holl, presenting for Extell, was up first, with what seemed to be the most thoughtful and poetic vision, showing a photo that was taken the year that "the last boxcar went over the Highline, [which] was full of frozen turkeys."

"Why not build it greener than anyone else?" he asked, explaining that runoff water could be recycled and adding that his team was careful not to make buildings tower around the park, creating an unpleasant "canyon space." (The second team said hat they, too, were avoiding a "bottom of the well" effect.)

Extell's architectural showpiece would be a triple-tower, all three buildings joined together at the top. Holl added that, in the event of an incoming airplane or an explosion (Seriously: "God forbid, if an explosion or an airplane" is what he said) there would be multiple ways to escape.

He ended by saying that, from the proposed park, one would be able to see the moon passing over the Empire State Building.

Group #2, the alliance of Related and Goldman Sachs and NewsCorp., proposed the area as an expansion of what its Powerpoint presentation called "exciting media district continues the trend West (ABC, NY Times, Heart, Time Warner)." They showed a rendering of a glass building with a banner across it reading "Myspace.com." Seriously. The future, from this perspective, looked scary. At least they mentioned their commitment to building affordable housing.

Group #3, which is Durst and Vornado and Conde Nast, mentioned an "iconic point tower" and a greenspace built like a "wild terrarium," as well as a "galleria," which in computerized renderings appeared to be more of a what one calls a "shopping mall." Oh, and an "automated people mover" similar to AirTrain. Where would the people be moved to, and why? They didn't say.

Proposal #4, from Brookfield, seemed slightly more intelligent, with a "sky exposure analysis" and six new residential towers. They proposed a park that could host Fashion Week and serve as a 24-hour nightlife and cultural center. The kind of place at which one could buy weed and Rolexes. I hope so.

Then came the last proposal, from big bad Tishman Speyer and Morgan Stanley. When the first rendering came up, rather jarringly different from the rest, a collective realization of "WTF" washed over the room. "Four monumental towers that taper as they rise up," their man said, mumbling away in a fast monotone and nearly unintelligible accent.

"This is awful," the woman next to me moaned. It truly was. Do not give the bid to Tishman Speyer.

You can judge all of this for yourself, though. The bid proposals will be on public view at 335 Madison Avenue from 8 a.m. to 8 p.m. through December 14.