"Hey, put that croissant down!"

"But it's flaky and warm!"

"But you're fat."

"But I deserve it! I got up at six and did MorningSpin for an hour at Equinox."

"You just think you worked out, sucker. Didn't you read that New York Times article that basically says that no matter what high three-figure calorie count number the Elliptical Trainer displays, you've burned like half of that, sometimes even less?"

"Uh, no. That's exactly why I don't read the New York Times."

Putting Very Little Weight In Calorie Counting Methods [NYT]