'National Enquirer' Reminds Us That Celebrities Drown Their Holiday Sorrows In Eggnog And Fruitcake, Just Like Us!
Predating the rest of the tabloid-come-latelys by many decades has given rack-based supermarket literature giant National Enquirer the clear advantage in the art of front-page editing: Whereas a lesser publication might have focused their special yo-yoing celebrity physique issue on one or two studies, perhaps cheapening the proceedings with a disparaging reference to "Jennifer Love Saddlebags," the Enquirer instead gives us a breathtaking mosaic comprised of famous-fatso body parts, accompanied by captions that make clever use of familiar references—"From 'Batman' to Fatman!" and "20 more pounds - Not a good thing!" standing out in particular.
Still, the tease de résistance came with the prominently bazoomba'd figure in Wilma Flintsone pearls, her face obfuscated by a tantalizing "GUESS WHO?" sign. We were tempted to say Kelly LeBrock, until a story in the margins led us to wonder if their editors weren't perhaps throwing us a distractingly buxom red herring: Lesbian Kirstie Alley? Is that you?
