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In the second entry of her new(ish) Binge Thinking column for Entertainment Weekly, Diablo Cody wisely decides not to use the column space to discuss how homeskillets really need to shut their gobs when using burger phones to discuss doodles that can't be undid. Rather, she (perhaps unwisely) decided to fall back on a tried and true journalistic crutch for churning out a piece without actually having to formulate that strong of an opinion on something ... she makes a list! Sort of. Her innovatively (or not) titled thesis, "Heroine Chic", revolves around "killer onscreen heroines who weren't too cool to care about their hair, complexion, or wardrobe." Like Andie from Pretty In Pink and Uncle Jesse from Full House. Yeah, we're kind of lost, too.

What we really want to know is this: what's the sitch with that tattoo drama? Or, even better, how come you skipped the Critic's Choice awards last week? There's a reason they picked you for this Backpage column, Diablo, and we're quite sure it wasn't to get a listicle out of you.