Clan Of The Cavemodels
As you recover from one of the more jarring daylight savings shifts in recent memory, try as hard as you can to avoid the stares of co-workers who can't help but notice you sporting your stubbornly punctual morning priapism. Perhaps the box office numbers will ease the transition:
1. 10,000 B.C. - $35.730 million
Having already put his signature on laughably outlandish disaster flicks about malevolent extraterrestrials, radiocative lizards, and low-pressure systems, director Roland Emmerich has turned to the grunt-only world of Cro-Magnon Man. While not quite managing to crack the imaginary $40 million blockbuster line, there was still a significant audience that showed up wanting to learn more about our little-known, dreadlocked human ancestors, marked by their flawless skin, blinding smiles, and remarkable courage in the face of sabre-toothed green-tennis-balls-on-a-stick.
2. College Road Trip - $14 million
Sadly, those who paid for a ticket to College Road Trip hoping to witness the breakout stardom of a black DJ Qualls were left sorely disappointed.
3. Vantage Point - $7.5 million
Having virtually nothing left to say about Vantage Point, we thought we'd check in with some of its stars side projects: How's Dewmocracy, Forest Whitaker's venture into the democratization of Mountain Dew flavors, coming along, for example? Well, apparently we have three finalists: Mountain Dew® Supernova™, Mountain Dew® Voltage™ and Mountain Dew® Revolution™. Which drink becomes the next Mountain Dew® is up to you!
4. Semi-Pro - $5.9 million
A drop of over 60% from an already lackluster opening weekend makes Semi-Pro an official disappointment™. Luckily, Hollywood loves nothing more than a comeback, priming Will Ferrell for his next part: In Duke LaCrosse: B-Movie Superstar, Ferrell plays a comedic movie actor whose reliance on cheap sight gags and predictable formula removes the luster from a once white-hot career. Still, with the help of some cheap sight gags (he has an afro for some reason) and the predictable Ferrell-brand formula audiences love, he'll manage to once again conquer America's hearts. It's as good as a slam dunk!
5. The Bank Job - $5.71 million
Proving there's an always an audience for an old-fashioned heist flick, Lionsgate's The Bank Job scored a decent take for its 1,600-screen-opening, setting the stage nicely for a sequel featuring some of the other B-list stars in its stable. And with the great reviews it's getting, it won't take Jessica Alba much convincing to sign on for BJ2: Back For More before she even sees a script.