Probably panicked that Britney Spears might, through some miracle, actually become a sober functioning human being, the paparazzi started heckling her and her parents, literally making high-pitched jungle animal noises. Some editors thought the paps were infiltrated by actual Crip and Blood gang members, as if that could somehow be worse than their actual behavior.
With nothing but scraps from the paparazzi, the tabloids became desperate. One UK paper decided, based on looking at a picture of Spears' shirt, that she wasn't wearing a bra and thus was "back to her old tricks." Another saw a picture of Spears' dad carrying a pink wig and decided he was "confiscating" it as part of an image makeover.
Heath Ledger joke rolled out by Artie Lange in Vegas: "I'm not happy [Ledger] died, but I'll finally get all the roles I was losing to Heath. 'Brokeback Mountain.' I had a great audition. I [bleep]ed the [bleep] out of Jake Gyllenhaal." [NYP]
Scarlett Johansson is now dating Alanis Morissette's ex, but it looked like she wouldn't have his baby. Unclear what she'd do to him in a theater. [NYP]
Jay-Z will not hold your hand in front of his girlfriend, even for a stupid Grammy you earned with him. [ShowbizSpy]
Daily News described horror scene at Fashion Week portable toilets, decided not to go with obvious bulimia jokes.
Very pregnant Halle Berry even more beautiful and perfect. [TMZ]
Whitney Houston emerged, apparently sane. [TMZ]
Paris Hilton's movie was seen by roughly 10 people per theater on its entire opening night. That's a real statistic. [TMZ]
Lenny Kravitz "almost" became a farmer after four months on a Brazilian farm. For some reason he decided to remain a celebrity and also buy an iPhone. [ShowbizSpy]
Paul McCartney tells his ex wife he lost $6 million on his world tour. [Gatecrasher]
