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Simon Doonan may have a brilliant eye for design, fabulous taste in decor, and a wicked sense of humor, but blind items don't seem to be his forte. In this week's Observer—and in between talk of his noble battle with toe fungus—Doonan recounts a special invite he and partner Jonathan Adler received during a recent trip to Capri:

Out of the blue, my Jonny and I received an unexpected invitation to dine with the velvet mafia aboard an extremely long yacht. Whose yacht? I refuse to name names. As you know, I am a very private person who would never divulge the details of his personal life. Just kidding! The truth is I don't want to annoy the velvet mafia. If they got annoyed, they might break my kneecaps, and then I could no longer skip. However, I will tell you this: To skip from one end of this particular boat to the other would take at least 20 minutes.

So whose mega-yacht was docked near the Marina Piccola in Capri earlier this summer when Simon and Jonny headed off on vacation? No, not Barry Diller! (His puny 300-footer was in the south of France at the time.) We're going to guess that it was David Geffen, since his ridiculously large 450-foot Rising Sun—the yacht he co-owns with Silicon Valley mogul Larry Ellison—was parked there during the time in question. (That's the boat Simon is "standing on" above.) But it could always be some other gay billionaire who owns a huge yacht, loves spending time in Capri, and often hangs out with Tom Ford!