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Cranky Times columnist Clyde Haberman has a long list of (really good) questions for the banking industry, like why banks can't seem to figure out how to provide pens that actually work. ("How can people feel confident that their money is being managed wisely if those in charge can't even provide a functioning pen?) But he also has an interesting conspiracy theory to share with the world. It seems Banco Santander, which announced the purchase of Sovereign a few weeks ago, is now advertising itself in the Times as just "Santander." "Want to bet that Santander left out "banco," except in very small type at the bottom of the ad, so that few would see right away that another piece of America had been acquired by a foreign institution?" Click through for Haberman's litany of complaints.

Is it too much to ask that all banks have pens that work on the counters with the deposit and withdrawal slips? In too many places, the pens are useless. How can people feel confident that their money is being managed wisely if those in charge can't even provide a functioning pen?

Why not forbid any bank receiving taxpayer money to purchase naming rights to sports stadiums and arenas?

How about a moratorium on new bank branches in New York neighborhoods?

Might we end the procedure by which banks stiff you when you deposit a large check?

Why must bank customers pay several times to retrieve cash at an ATM?

Can't we ask that banks have recognizable names? A few years ago, something called Sovereign Bank began popping up all over town. We'd never heard of Sovereign. Now, just as we've been getting used to the name, we learn that Sovereign has had it. A full-page advertisement in Thursday's paper announced that Sovereign had been taken over by a company called Santander. What in the name of the Bailey Savings and Loan is Santander? Turns out that the full name is Banco Santander, based in Spain. Want to bet that Santander left out "banco," except in very small type at the bottom of the ad, so that few would see right away that another piece of America had been acquired by a foreign institution.

We're All Bankers Now. So Why’s the A.T.M. Still Charging Us $2? [NYT]