After an existential crisis that left him splayed on his four-poster bed, deserted but for his Viagra and ennui, Hugh Hefner is finally bouncing back with the help of nubile, 19-year-old twins Kristina and Karissa Shannon. The duo's semi-incestuous sister act should help Hef fill the hole left by the wayward Girls Next Door who have abandoned him, but should he still hold a grudge against Holly, Kendra, and Bridget, he's in luck: the twins aren't afraid to beat a bitch down, and they have the record to prove it!According to TMZ, both sisters were arrested earlier this year for felony aggravated battery in the decidedly non-Holmby Hills locale of St. Petersburg, Florida. What exactly transpired in this bunny-on-bunny-on-civilian crime? Says the website:

We just talked to a relative of one of the victims and here's what they tell us went down. The twins went out after work with one of their Wing House co-workers, Erica Civello, to a house party. Kristina allegedly started arguing with Erica, and Karissa came up behind her and hit Erica over the head with a bottle of beer and they both "jumped her." Erica suffered a concussion.

The mystery of Wing House rears its engimatic head once more! Was the twins' former place of employment this Hooters knockoff, or was it this transitional house for adult survivors of traumatic brain injury? Based on the context clues, we're thinking the former...but Erica? That other Wing House might be just the ticket for you in your Bud Light-brained state. Godspeed!