When we first met Holly Madison, she was heroically rescuing the iconic Landsdowne portrait of George Washington from the 1814 Burning of Washington by British troops. No, wait. That's Dolley Madison. When we first met Holly Madison, it was on an episode of Cribs. She was living at the Playboy Mansion with a bunch of similarly proportioned women, calling Hugh Hefner "Puffin," and pleading with him to put a ring on it. He refused, because he would never marry again. She seemed perfectly nice.

The celebrities have begun trickling out of their castles, mansions, and forest lairs to host or hit up Halloween parties, collect their high-calorie holiday booty, and inspire jealousy-driven shut-ins like us to mock their outfits.

Ashton and Demi face divorce and cheating rumors, while their "other woman" prepares for a payday. Jessica Simpson takes 10 pregnancy tests and considers postponing her wedding. Holly Madison insures her boobs for $1 million. Thursday gossip surveys the wreckage.

Saucy LiLo shows up to the Kardashianganza dressed in a long white gown accessorized with major cleavage. Chely Wright weds. Christina Aguilera wants to wed. And Charlie Sheen and Brooke Mueller might wed again. Today's Gossip Roundup is an overworked bridesmaid with cake all over her dress.

Asked about his history of violence, Chris Brown flies into a violent rage. Rob Pattinson calls Justin Bieber a liar. Bam Margera calls a girl a whale and gets punched in the face. Tuesday gossip lacks impulse control.

Holly Madison recommends using "body makeup to cope." Lindsay Lohan tells her dad to STFU. Justin Bieber is sorry for flipping off the paparazzi. Willow Smith falls asleep at a meeting with Jay-Z. Thursday's gossip roundup has it both ways.

Eva Longoria rebounds with a pierced pop star. Lindsay Lohan still on the hook for grand theft. Holly Madison gets $30,000 to sit next to a rich guy. Bieber's secret alias is Chandler Bing. Tuesday gossip blows everyone's covers.

Oprah consoled depression with the biggest mac 'n' cheese binge in history. Kelsey Grammer likes to wear women's panties. Johnny Weir realized he was gay while watching Pretty Woman. Keira Knightley is single. Thursday gossip eats its emotions.

Hugh Hefner is upset about a rumor that the Playboy mansion smells like urine. He admits his life "reads like bad fiction," but he's not a sex slave rapist in a palace of poop. Just a horny old control freak.

This week, Star magazine investigates the perilous lives of celebrity assistants. But what's the point of having power if you can't abuse it? A guide to which underling abuses are reasonable, and which will just get you sent to jail.

On the season finale of Holly's World, the title character accompanied her friend Angel to the doctor. When informed she can't have sex for three weeks following boob job surgery, Angel tried to find a way to avoid doctor's orders.

Today at Gawker.TV, Holly Madison buys her 21-year-old assistant breast implants for her birthday, The Soup bids adieu to The Hills, Tiger Woods has a dirty mouth, and Regis Philbin can't keep his old-man-hands off of Paul Rudd's face.

This week on Holly's World, Holly decides to buy her assistant Angel breast implants for her 21st birthday. In this heart-to-heart Holly talks about what lead her to having big boobs: Destiny.

This week, Holly, Josh, old friend Bridget Marquardt and Bridget's new boyfriend decide stop by a haunted hotel in search of ghosts ghouls and goblins. Unfortunately the only thing they found were burps, farts and poop.

Last night on Holly's World, Madison's friends organized a classy house-warming party catered by McDonald's and Hooters. Among her "famous" friends to show up was Carrot Top, whose house-warming gift (a giant portrait of himself) is sure to illicit nightmares.

Last night on Holly's World, Holly Madison laments that Vegas is barren of upstanding guys and agrees to go on a blind date. The pair partake in go-kart racing, and during a little friendly competition, her date rear-ends her... go-kart.

France's first lady, Carla Bruni-Sarkozy, turns 42 today. Les Moonves, CBS's CEO, is turning 61. Badgley Mischka designer James Mischka is 49. Soap star Susan Lucci is 63. Pearl Jam's Eddie Vedder is turning 45. Retired Army General (and onetime presidential aspirant) Wesley Clark turns 65 today. Conservative columnist Bill Kristol is 57. Author Donna Tartt is 46. NHL star Scott Gomez is turning 30. Model Estella Warren turns 31. '80s idol Corey Haim is 38. And Holly Madison, best known as the former girlfriend of Hugh Hefner and co-star of Girls Next Door, is downright ancient (by Playboy standards, at least) as she turns 30 today.

A purged BusinessWeek-er ran into the leader of the new guard; Loren Feldman heckled some oversharing newlyweds; and a celebrity devoured a whole McRib thing. The Twitterati swallowed the awkwardness.

• More on the financial difficulty facing Harvey and Bob Weinstein: The studio has blown through $1.2 billion to date and now needs to come up with another $50 million. Or magically produce a string of hits at the box office. [WSJ, LAT]
• Despite rumors to the contrary, Condé Nast may shut down several of its magazines as part of its latest—and steepest—round of budget cuts. [WWD]
• Ebony magazine is struggling and now hunting for a buyer. [Newsweek]
• NBC is "under assault from all sides," opines Jon Friedman. [Marketwatch]
• A series of cast changes are planned for the various Law & Orders. [THR]
• Is the new TV season really buzzy, or it just the Twitter effect? [NYT]
• Warner Music will be putting its music videos back on YouTube. [AdAge]
• Holly Madison of E!'s Girls Next Door is getting her own reality show. And socialite Tinsley Mortimer's CW show is moving ahead. [NYDN, THR]
• Jerry Seinfeld's new reality show is casting neurotic couples in Brooklyn. [DI]
• Jenna Bush's new Today show gig is pretty cushy, apparently. [Page2Live]

• Madonna's adoption appeal was "adjourned indefinitely" by the chief justice of Malawi's Supreme Court yesterday. Fair enough. After all, would you let a woman dressed like this adopt your child? [Reuters]
• Gisele Bundchen was seen leaving an OB/GYN's office yesterday with Tom Brady, which may mean she's pregnant, or may mean nothing at all. [P6]
• Maggie Gyllenhaal and Peter Sarsgaard tied the knot in front of 40 guests in Italy on Saturday. [Us]
• Bebe Neuwirth is married, too. She married Destino vineyard founder Chris Calkins in a Buddhist/Christian ceremony at The Players Club on Gramercy Park. [P6]
• Rihanna has cancelled her comeback concert in the United Arab Emirates. The reason? "Poor timing," she says. [Sun]