What's in the stars this week? Stock market turbulence? More octogenarians behaving badly? Answers below. If today - October 27 - is your birthday: Your numbers are 11, 39 and 54. These would be lucky numbers, if they didn't already equate to the ages of the individuals on set today who will yell at you for fucking up their lunch orders. Scorpio (October 24 - November 21): Instead of putting that Jamie Kennedy reality competition series into production, how about you greenlight some time with your son? He's starting to burn things at school. More celestial wisdom after the jump!Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21): At Tuesday's call, don't greet your fellow petite, blonde, fresh-faced types that are at every casting session with hugs and polite questions and displays of real friendship. Save your acting for the room. Capricorn (December 22 - January 19): You will know that you have found your ultimate love match when he/she agrees that Synecdoche, New York was a perfect first date movie. Aquarius (January 20 - February 18): Find better uses for your time. Ringo Starr's fan mail deadline was last week, and he already passed on your Yellow Submarine sequel - Return to Pepperland.

Pisces (February 19 - March 20): Your strategy of working on your script at the Westfield Century City food court during lunchtime will pay off this week, as an agent from CAA will finally talk to you. She might only be asking if you're using that extra chair, but this is the most agency attention you've received in eight years. Aries (March 21 - April 19): The Sundance Film Festival is only 80 days away. Now would be a good time to start making that genre-bending quirky comedy. At least get your plane tickets while there are still window seats available. Taurus (April 20 - May 20): After fearfully ignoring the subject for months, try to take an interest in finances this week. You're the CFO of Lionsgate, for God's sake. Gemini (May 21 - June 21): It's high time you drop that boyfriend. Not only does he make you feel ugly and never volunteers to pay for anything, but he's no longer testing well with white males 18-49.

Cancer (June 22 - July 22): The career of Randy Jackson, a fellow Cancer, will show you the ideal lifepath this week. The entire nation will learn that you, in your own right, are an evenhanded, intelligent judge of musical talent, a prolific session musician and an outspoken advocate for diabetes awareness, dawg. Leo (July 23 - August 22): Even though you'll never be as famous as your celebrity parents, your efforts to distinguish yourself as a prolific drug abuser will give you the notoriety you crave without all that hard work. Virgo (August 23 - September 22): That ball-busting line producer has been riding you hard lately. Doesn't he know that there are only 24 hours in a day? Maybe he doesn't. After all, he went to USC. BURNED! Go Bruins! UC! LA!

Libra (September 23 - October 23): At a bar this weekend, a man will ask you: "Whats your sign?" You will respond: "That line is so 70's. What is this, an episode of the new ABC series Life on Mars?" And when he says, "I haven't seen that show yet, is it good?" you will walk away immediately. If he were really your soulmate, he would have seen Life on Mars by now, because he would know how much you love Harvey Keitel.