On this bright post-election morning, let there be no diminishing Defamer's mission to bring you tomorrow's most influential political figures and movements today. A scan of our illustrious archives reveals nearly two-and-a-half years' worth of Barack Obama coverage, dating all the way back to that time in 2006 when we couldn't understand why the Illinois senator was hanging out at CAA. (Hint: He wasn't!) Take an early lunch and join us after the jump in remembering a few key moments from the President-elect's pop-culture trajectory.· June 1, 2006: Barack Obama makes his first Defamer appearance after an operative sent in a sighting from CAA. What was he doing there? Nothing, as one definitive tipster pointed out: "I find these theories equally hilarious, troubling, and ridiculous, seeing as how it WAS A CAA AGENT: newly minted agent Billy Hawkins- a tall, handsome, Barack-ish looking man who spent a good deal of time chatting in the atrium yesterday." Oops! Billy Hawkins gets that all the time.

· Feb. 13, 2007: Obamamania controversially erupts in Hollywood, exposing a rift between kingmaking DreamWorks principals David Geffen and Jeffrey Katzenberg and defiant Hillary Clinton loyalist Steven Spielberg over Obama's first big industry fundraiser. · July 18: Oprah Winfrey endorses Obama, paving the way for a massive fundraiser at her Montecito estate and the quadrennial launch of the ultra-exclusive Oprah's Candidate Club. · Oct. 30: In a stinging rebuke of Hollywood royalty, the senator declines Brad Pitt's offer to name his and Angelina Jolie's next adopted orphan Obama 2008. The pair would eventually make up in time for Obama's victory address in Grant Park. · Jan. 10, 2008: Roseanne Barr takes clear, concise aim at Obamamania: "barak [sic] obama is an empty suit selling 'hope' in lieu of Truth. He has no ideas, no plan and nothing to add other than the cynical pacification of the masses with bedtime stories about hope, while calling Unions 'special interest groups' that need to be done away with..." Ad infinitum. Fun fact: Her amended screed now simply says Obama wouldn't attract white voters. Stay classy (and prescient), Rosie! · June 26: A few months after Scarlett Johansson named Obama as one of her five surrogate dads (her words, not ours), the candidate flatly denied her claims they shared an intimate e-mail relationship. The heartbroken starlet blamed the "sexist" media for her swift relegation to Obama's spam folder. · July 31: The wheels fly off the Straight-Talk Express as John McCain likens the "celebrity" Obama to Britney Spears and Paris Hilton. The latter fires back a week later with a voting PSA on Funny or Die. And for a split-second of our democracy's history, a chihuahua-toting, amateur-porn starring heiress influenced presidential politics. · Aug. 22: Victoria Jackson supplants Roseanne Barr as the election's official Batshit Comedienne of Record with a blog tirade alternately calling Obama a "Communist," an "anti-Christ" and a "whitey hater." · Sept. 8: The Obama campaign reaches Threat Level: Streisand with a planned Babs-hosted fundraiser that would eventually raise a record-shattering $9 million. · Sept. 30: Obama acknowledges an appreciation for Fred Armisen's blackface portrayal of him on Saturday Night Live, a fondness that will erode weeks later to an embittered, "I noticed my ears keep getting bigger."

· Oct. 16: In a quintessential display of both men's character, the eminently fellatable Obama resists McCain grab-ass advances in the third and final presidential debate. · Oct. 29: Flush with cash, the campaign sponsors The Barack Obama Show on three major networks at once. Ratings are spectacular! Reviews, not so much. · Nov. 4: Oprah vibrates and the world looks on as America elects Billy Hawkins the 44th President of the United States. Congrats, Billy!