As though it wasn't bad enough that Raffaello Follieri's ex, Anne Hathaway, is now being wooed by some common actor, the Vatican-swindling Follieri has been forced to deal with another unpleasant surprise: prison is totally gross! Currently serving out a four-and-a-half-year sentence devoid of flashbulbs and fast cars paid for with Becoming Jane money, Follieri's lawyer is now attempting to get the con man moved to someplace a little more minimum security. Marvel at Follieri's sad, sad description of prison life:

Since he was sentenced to 4-1/2 years in prison for fraud last month, he has had to contend with rotten food, foul odors and unclean toilets and as result is running a fever and has blood in his urine, according to a letter from his lawyer made available on Wednesday. "He says that he cannot eat because the food appears to be spoiled and that the toilet and shower facilities are unspeakably unsanitary," the letter from Flora Edwards said. "There is excrement in the shower and rats are roaming freely in the area. He says the stench is intolerable," the letter continued.

"Eet ees so dirty," Follieri went on to complain. "Almost as dirty as when I deed the naughty theengs with Annie!" Then, bowing his head, he whispered, "Now eet ees me who they do that to." [Photo Credit: AP]