"Bubble" is just "babble"—plus u. Buy! Buy! Buy! Buy! High! High! High! High!

Mars canyon! Tree gold! Boomerang returns! Mouse immunity! Dark matter! Early humans! Old linguistics! And playing god, the fun way! It's your decrepit old Science Watch, where we watch science—with an eyebrow raised!

The global economy is like a boiling pot of water— full of bubbles. Or you might say it's like a glass of soda—full of bubbles. Starting small, inflating, and finally bursting—bubbles. Where will he next economic bubble"pop up," ha? Perhaps in a land far, far away.

Jamie Dimon is one of the most admired CEOs on Wall Street. Under his watch, JPMorgan Chase has been penalized for multiple legal violations, capped by the largest legal fines in banking history. Should Jamie Dimon be fired? Well, if not, his bank should be destroyed.

There's little doubt that Amazon is the future of retailing. Its CEO, Jeff Bezos, is one of the most admired and scrutinized businessmen in the world. How did he build the company into what it is today? By being a penny-pinching ballbuster.

In 2007, two corporate law firms merged to form Dewey & LeBoeuf, a massive global legal conglomerate that grandly collapsed in the wake of the recession. Would you believe it all started when one partner called his colleagues "fuckwad" and "little prick?"

In an interview this past weekend, New York Times editor Jill Abramson decried THE POLITICO-style coverage of politics, in which "the political maneuvering becomes the dominant thread and what is lost is what effect it actually has on people." In a story yesterday about the US commando raids in Libya, her own paper did just that. (Then made it disappear.)

Syria is embroiled in a civil war. The US could decide to help one side win; alternately, we could just stay out of it. Instead, we're taking a third route: purposely working to ensure that nobody wins.

The future of America (and, indeed, the world) will be characterized by widespread and increasingly violent skirmishes for control of the last sources of precious, precious water. Currently, we're in phase one: the legal battles.

For the first time in 17 years, the U.S. Government has shut down, as Congressional Republicans refused to pass a budget resolution funding the federal government without attaching provisions to delay or defund Obamacare.

Seymour Hersh, one of the best-sourced journalists in America, who's been breaking huge stories of government scandals ever since the My Lai massacre, says that the official government story of Osama Bin Laden's assassination is "one big lie."

O.J. Simpson, the 66-year-old diabetic serving a 33-year sentence for armed robbery in Nevada, has apparently been caught stealing cookies from the prison cafeteria. According to sources with The National Enquirer, prison guards recently noticed Simpson hiding something under his “prison clothes” as he walked back to his cell after lunch.

You thought the killer tornadoes recently were bad? "You ain't seen nothing yet!" scientists say, sucking their teeth and letting out a low whistle.

Burger King, the fantastic land where you can find weed and razor blades in your burger, will begin selling “Satisfries” Tuesday, a crinkle-cut french fry with 20 percent fewer calories than their regular french fries. A small order of Satisfries will contain 270 calories as opposed to a 350-calorie small order of their regular fatty-fat fries.

Two men riding a bicycle shot and killed Mohammad Amanullah, head of the Independent Election Commission in Kunduz, Afghanistan on Wednesday. Following the incident, Zabiullah Mujahid, the spokesman for the Taliban, sent out this tweet:

Between permanently kidnapping The Roots and producing the god damn endless popular cover song medleys that every god damn asshole wants to share with you on Facebook, you might have thought that mop-headed giggler Jimmy Fallon's show had reached Peak Irksomeness. Wrong!

During the tenure of billionaire mayor Mike Bloomberg, the number of homeless people in New York City's shelter system has increased to more than 50,000, an all-time high. An astoundingly high percentage of those people have jobs.

Four members of the Walton family, heirs to Sam Walton's Wal-Mart fortune, are collectively worth more than $100 billion— more wealth than the entire bottom 40% of Americans. They are doing everything in their power not to give up a penny more than they have to.

A Florida pastor was arrested today, thus halting his Facebooked-plans to burn 2998 Qurans in a Mulberry park to “protest” the September 11, 2001 terrorist attacks. Pastor Terry Jones, 61, and his associate Pastor Marvin Sapp Jr., 44, were just minding their own business driving a pickup truck towing a large grill filled with thousands of kerosene-soaked Qurans when they were pulled over and stopped.

According to exit poll results, early returns, and the live streaming video from the Team de Blasio block party in Brooklyn, Bill de Blasio will win the democratic mayoral primary, though it’s unclear whether he will hit the 40 percent needed to avoid a runoff. Currently, Thompson is behind de Blasio in votes, followed by Christine Quinn.