Is Venus in the third house this week? Is your first house still standing? The Southland has been through hell but hopefully better things are in store for the coming week. If today - November 17 - is your birthday: The aging process spares no one and is especially unkind to Hollywood actors. It's time to begin that all-consuming, lifelong project of bizarre health routines and plastic surgery. It may not be natural or healthy, but it shows a high level of ambition. Scorpio (October 24 - November 21): There's no need to constantly run through your impressive resume of producing credits in front of your friends. They'd be your friends even if you weren't successful, as long as you still gave them free coke. More wisdom after the jump!

Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21): The career of Beau Bridges, a fellow Sagittarian, will show you the ideal lifepath this week. Though your younger sibling and parent receive the lion's share of the praise heaped on your family, your less severe facial structure gives you lots of opportunities to answer directional questions for uninformed tourists. Capricorn (December 22 - January 19): You're on the fence: Should you quit that steady insurance job for that short-term, low-paying writing gig? The more important question is: How much do you enjoy eating/health/not living in a car? Aquarius (January 20 - February 18): You probably shouldn't be hooking up with that schlubby junior agent, but without family connections, a strong interest in MP lit or a high-ranking internal advocate, it's your best chance to rise up the Gersh ladder. Pisces (February 19 - March 20): Your whole life will feel like a movie this week. Unfortunately, it will not be a fun, profane, Judd Apatow romp, but rather a gritty, deliberate, Michael Mann character study. Hope you're good with a gun.

Aries (March 21 - April 19): Shooting just wrapped and you already have doubts about your film. Some of these are just paranoid musings, but the one about how your three-hour slavery epic won't be half as compelling as the Benjamin Button trailer is way true. Taurus (April 20 - May 20): Sure, Marlon Brando and James Dean became legends by brooding and mumbling, but method acting will not help you mediate this week's SAG-AMPTP negotiations. Gemini (May 21 - June 21): Hollywood wives get such a bad rap. Do your best to counteract that stereotype this week by driving carefully, spending conservatively and talking to your domestic staff less condescendingly. No one will like you more, but they will hate you less. Cancer (June 22 - July 22): The sign of the crab will take on literal meaning for you this week. No, you did not get that coveted field producer position on the next cycle of Deadliest Catch. This has less to do with the Discovery Channel and more to do with that drunken crotch rubbing behind the Silver Fox. Leo (July 23 - August 22): Life does not stop and start at your convenience. This is just one of the many lines from The Big Lebowski that you need to phase out of your lexicon ASAP. Virgo (August 23 - September 22): There's a lot of negative energy on the set today. Forsake your normal duties and spread some joy to the cast and crew members. So what if the film doesn't get loaded; at least the 2nd A.D. knows that you're there for her.

Libra (September 23 - October 23): The best gift you can give your family this year is the gift of your time. Have your assistant schedule a surprise lunch with your kids, preferably at Gulftstream or Houston's so you can quickly return to the office when things get boring.