Floundering maker of autos GM got slammed for flying its executives to Washington on private jets to beg for a government bailout. They were denied, so now they've decided to cut back on every last unnecessary expense. And today, the company announced that it's going to end its $8 million per year endorsement contract with Tiger Woods. Though GM swears that, hey, this has nothing to do with their desperate quest for a bailout—"the timing...is purely coincidental." (Bullshit, judging purely on outward appearance). Where else is the company cutting costs? Everywhere, starting with the paper towels!:

  • They're buying cheaper "wipe-up towels" to "lower GM's 'cost per wipe.'"
  • They've stopped replacing batteries in their wall clocks, and updating them for daylight savings time
  • They didn't even hold press conferences at the latest auto show.
  • Cheaper pencils!
  • No more voice mail: "Recordings that used to say, 'please leave a message,' now say 'please call back.'"

This company full of not-on-time workers who are too busy dealing with ripped, low-quality paper towels and broken pencils to call back reporters who missed the press conference only to find that they can't leave a message for anyone is on the road to recovery! [WSJ, Ad Age; pic via]