Did A Disguised Joaquin Phoenix Crash This Gay Sundance Party?
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Many of you have wondered if the eccentric douchebag featured recently in our Sundance quotes roundup was none other than newly minted faux-idiot Joaquin Phoenix. Let's examine the evidence!
First of all, some background: as we know all too well at this point, Joaquin Phoenix has grown out a beard and is pursuing a stunty fake career as a rap singer for what is clearly, clearly a mockumentary directed by Casey Affleck.
Also, your associate editor was inebriated at the party where he snapped this picture.
Anyway, let's try to figure this thing out.
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REASONS WHY IT COULD BE JOAQUIN PHOENIX:
· Phoenix had a high-profile rap performance in Vegas on Friday (pictured at left). That's close enough to Park City!
· The beard growth is about the same on both d-bags. The blond wig on the Sundance d-bag (which threw us off) is clearly fake.
· Seriously, the Sundance idiot was so douchey that he approached self-parody (which is apparently Joaquin's new vocation). He was dancing like a loon and had oven mitts on his hands, for God's sake.
· The build (including the slightly bulging tummy) is about the same.
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REASONS WHY IT MAY NOT BE JOAQUIN PHOENIX:
· It was at the Queer Lounge kickoff party? Which is not to say that New, Awful Joaquin is gay-unfriendly (though he is a rapper now), or that he's unaware of the fact that gays throw the best parties. But still, something to note.
· The Queer Lounge people we've talked to don't know a thing about it. Casey Affleck wasn't there and neither were any cameras (as far as we could tell).
· Though we're currently well-insulated in a Sundance bubble, we haven't heard any other news reports that place Joaquin at the festival.
· Actual Joaquin appears to have a more sizable soul patch and different nose (though the angle and iPhone camera could account for the differences).
THE VERDICT:
Hollywood is filled with douchebags.