On part one of Idol Hollywood Week, hopeful after hopeful took to the Kodak Theatre stage for what Simon Cowell described without a shred of facetiousness as "the most important day of your lives."

Among them was Bikini Girl. One of the few from this year's lot to make any sort of lasting impression, her actual name is Katrina Darrell, and her clever audition strategy—sing in a bikini and four-inch heels, because, why not—got her prolonged airtime. Simon and Randy instantly loved her, and had it been any other season, Paula would have likely croaked out a weak protest, blown up her stringy bangs with an exasperated breath, and that would be that.

But it was new judge Kara DioGuardi—who in a few short weeks demonstrated herself to be outspoken, opinionated, and generally a self-regarding buzzkill—who made Bikini Girl a star. Her critique of B.G.'s "Vision of Love" (which wasn't a disaster, but was very unmemorable) first came with a disclaimer spoken in a crotchety cartoon voice—"I don't want this to come across as 'Well she's angry cause she's beautiful and young.'" She then didn't explain what B.G. did wrong so much as launch into her own rendition of the song: an Idol judging first. It really didn't matter at that point how well she sang, because B.G. had already won.

As if that wasn't triumph enough, B.G. had a backup strategy: insisting on an on-camera kiss with Ryan Seacrest if she was put through to Hollywood. It made for a genuinely tense subplot, and sure enough, she got her wish (set in a nice touch to Katy Perry's unapologetic ode to team-swapping experimentation, "I Kissed a Girl.") The perfect encore.

Which brings us to last night's high-stakes audition. B.G. wasn't in a bikini this time—more like a helium-filled garment bag—but her persona was consistent with our first encounter: dumb, but not entirely clueless. Trampy, and yet not quite trashy. Her audition was mediocre at best—karaoke club quality, the hot friend of a friend at Smog Cutters to whom you drunkenly slobber-gush, "Youuu neeed to get into a recording ssstudio..ssstatt."

The results are above. Kara and Paula stuck to their guns, as if the lines had been clearly drawn in the volleyball courts of their minds. Simon voiced his feelings that B.G. was the victim of a bias. And, eventually, a genuinely thrilled-seeming B.G. was moved through to the next round, where she'll likely be eliminated, tonight.

Bikini Girl:
Faith Hill-covering Amazonian goddess.
Destroyer of Kara DioGuardis.
Post-post-feminist heroine to karaoke-loving Womyn everywhere.

We salute you.