In case you were worried that American Idol had somehow lost its dehumanizing edge over eight seasons, and that there was perhaps some small chance that its castaways won't end up on Celebrity Rehab—fret not.

On last night's interminable announcement of the "Top 36" (yes—they've chosen 36 semi-finalists for your speed-dialing pleasure), major changes were introduced to the format. Well, slightly major. For one, the Pasadena music hall with its three-camera-outfitted Elevator of Destiny was replaced by the Judge's Mansion, an estate befitting Simon Cowell's ego and good taste.

There, contestants were forced to walk through the Marble-Floored Foyer of Fate, where they were met by the Kings and Queens of the Idol court. The judges were called upon to stretch their improvisational skills as never before—seeking out new and innovative ways to convince semi-finalists they'd gotten the boot. ("We have terrible news. You are not going to be on American Idol this season, because we're eliminating you right now. So off you go! Out the doors! Goodbye forever! Wait! Where are you going? Stop right there! Why are you crying? Perhaps this is a good time to tell you...that all that was just a dream and you really did make it into the Top 36!!!")

Another change: Certain fence-sitting contestants were paired off and forced to "sing for their lives." Which brings us to the clip above, pitting wholesome, untalented beauty Jen against Kristen, a singer the judges felt possessed the inverse qualities. What followed was the classic existential Idol debate, which played itself out, quite mortifyingly, directly in front of them: "Do we want the pretty one who doesn't sing so great? Or the one who's hard to look at but who can really belt? If only there were some way of putting you both into a blender and making a beautiful-singer smoothie! But we can't. So we pick you, Kristen—but work on that look," was the talked-out consensus. Perhaps she can start here.

And like that, Jen was gone. As was contestant Joanna Pacitti. In perhaps the greatest contestant fake-out in Idol history, the controversial ringer—who'd already had an A&M deal, appeared on several movie soundtracks, and had some kind of relationship with show producers—was told she'd been granted a "second chance." Today it came out she's been dismissed. "It has been determined that Joanna Pacitti is ineligible to continue in the competition," read a Fox press release. As Simon might say, "If it's any consolation, you wouldn't have won anyway."

Ladies and gentleman: Your Top 36! [Idol]