Pirates versus America in a cutthroat battle for survival! Hero Captain America's escape attempt! A pirate flotilla races to reach its desperate pirate brethren! Killer Navy SEALs lock and load! Joe Biden!

  • Captain Richard Phillips, the lone remaining hostage from the hijacked Maersk Alabama, tried to escape his pirate captors! He failed though. At about midnight Somalia time, Phillips jumped off his lifeboat prison and "began swimming." But not fast enough! The four pirates on the lifeboat recaptured him, but he's reportedly okay. Swim faster next time!
  • Oh hell an armada of pirate ships is racing out to reconnoiter with the pirate lifeboat! See, the pirates holding Captain Phillips put in a call to pirate headquarters (Somalia) and were like come help us, we're cornered by a warship! Now fellow pirates holding other international hostages are coming out to meet them for some strength in numbers:

  • Mohamed Samaw, a Somali resident of the pirate stronghold in central Eyl town, who claims to have a "share" in a British-owned ship hijacked Monday, said four foreign ships previously captured by pirates are heading toward the lifeboat. A total of 54 hostages are on two of the ships, citizens of China, Germany, Russia, Ukraine, the Philippines, Tuvalu, Indonesia and Taiwan.

  • "The pirates have summoned assistance - skiffs and motherships are heading towards the area from the coast," said a Nairobi-based diplomat, who spoke on condition on anonymity because he is not authorized to speak to the media. "We knew they were gathering yesterday."

  • One pirate associate describes their demands: "All we need, first, is a safe route to escape with the captain, and then (negotiate) ransom later." The four Somali pirates on the lifeboat are reportedly scared they'll be killed or arrested if they let the captain go. Yea well they should be! Because Navy SEALs were placed on board the Maersk, and more importantly, a "guided missile frigate" is headed toward the pirates as we speak. Guided missiles!
  • Don't worry because Joe Biden is aware of the situation—it's being "worked on round the clock," he says. Something for Joe Biden to do!

Let's all strenuously hope the Obama administration is working on things that are actually important, as opposed to this. Or the pirates have already won. [Pic via]